My heart is whole, but seperated. Emotional highs can be annoying. I love when Jesus has my whole heart. Even still, that's kind of not always true. Someone always has a small grasp on it. Which, I don't really regret or anything. I know I'm supposed to give Him my whole heart, but it's rather satisfactory to think that people have a grasp on my heart. And if I really love them I can pour back into their lives. But...if they like me more, or love me more, (I'm not sure which) and I just thrive on that and dig it and entertain it, what does that make my heart? It makes me feel kind of awful afterwards. I never know how it actually is, or what I actually feel, because all the emotions are so mashed together and I'm just thriving on emotional highs. It feels so unrealistic and counterfeit later. Uggh. I wouldn't say I was leading...but I would admit with some guilt that I am encouraging. See, I don't even quite understand it. Hazy mess of emotional being. At least it's not my whole life.
He said to me "Rememeber to keep your stick on the ice" and I didn't know quite what to make of it, I just rolled it around in my mind and didn't understand. "I'll tell you when".
In other news. The happiness continues, although I am feeling quite ready to party it up later today with some of my bestest friends.
Some people I hopefully genuinely love.
1 comment:
sounds familiar:) Keep loving, but make sure God is first. He's the only one that really matters in the end.
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