midnight poetry

She waits in silence.
Ever so patiently.
Waits while the world falls in love.
She'll dance to the sound of the clock striking twelve.
All is never lost.
Whether she has company or is alone.
Snow sparkles in the air and she throws back her head.
Smiling and staring up at the dark sky.
Then she turns and walks in through the door
Into warmth and comfort and most importantly love.
Who would have guessed anything about her?
Innocent looking.
Blending in with the crowd.
Long dark chestnut hair, green eyes full of life.
The life she leads is one we do not know.
Each life a canvas, on which paint is spilled and glopped.
Poured, sprinkled and flung.
She'll wait as the world falls in love
And she'll dance to the sound of the clock striking twelve.
All is never lost.

--Kathleen Laird

on the eve of christmas eve.

So I lay my head back down. (from Only Hope by Switchfoot/Mandy Moore)

That's how I feel right now. I need to lay my head back down. Maybe not literally, but lay it down as in calm down and look around and be blessed and trust God all over again. Forgive, when I could get riled up. Sing at the top of my lungs. Go for a walk and breathe in the cold air. Try to get past what Christmas should be according to me in my little mind. Try to enjoy it for everything it is, the miracle of the birth of Jesus.


I already mentioned this but, I'm excited for giving.

Love knows no boundaries.

back on my word

I'm pretty sure that I have gone back on my word, but I don't think it's a bad thing. Correct me if I'm wrong, but did I not say at one time "I will never like Coldplay" or "Coldplay is really weird" or " Just turn that off right now!"? You know, something along those lines. Well, (un?) fortunately I believe I must admit that those words were a lie, fully and completely.

I like Coldplay, a lot.


So yes. I'm sorry. I just had to make things right, because I was sitting there knitting and listening to Coldplay and it struck me that my actions do not match up with my past words. I guess I should have paid more attention when I listened to them for 60 minutes+ straight a couple weeks ago.

Another thought. Going back on my word on Coldplay is almost nothing except a few people will grin triumphantly at my declaration. But, what about the bigger things we say and then our actions don't match up? Or the things we do and then our words don't match?

What about them?

I'M BURSTING FROM EXCITEMENT.

HURRY UP CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!

(Although this is my favourite time-before.)

for right now

1)

Snow falling down in the streets.
Clothing them in blankets of white.
Sparkly and soft, it keeps on falling.
Coziness and hot chocolate warm inside.
Relaxing day, but reality decides to hit me.
I cry myself to sleep, thinking over things.
That won't happen for a while, or at all.
I just don't want it to happen again.
I dread it...but I trust. I trust so much.
It's just when something has happened.
Not once, not twice, but three times already.
If there's the potential for it to happen again.
There is worry it will.
This time, I think it's different...oh I really hope it is.
Otherwise...I don't even know.
This will be a recurring theme of thought on my mind.

--

2)

There is silence between.
I remember.
It's on my door.
It's been a year.
Things have changed.
In yet, not.
Incredible love.
Do you remember?
Peace is in the silence.
--

Just because I think I'm kinda down sounding a lot in my posts these days, and I don't mean to be some sort of depressed person. It's really just my life right now, figuring things out and learning and going through changes in my family and other changes. So, I'm going to finish with a happy poem/thought.

--

3)

Excited as I hit the button.
Tingles run up and down my spine.
It's going to be great.
I love this time.
To give, when I could get.
But because I'm loved will probably get anyways.
Presents for people and family and friends.
I love with my whole heart.
But I have to admit there's one in praticular...
Ahhhh, I'm so excited.
I just get really happy tears in my eyes,
Everytime I think about it.
You know what the greatest thing is?
I know they'll love it.
I love presents.
I wish I had enough to get everyone I love something.
*Smile*

--

Love you!

it's all over

love is an ability, not a feeling.

The song "Forgive Me" by Group 1 Crew is amazing.

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I'm not scared 'cause you're holding my hand."

in

I hate being sick and having zero energy.
Even painting is effort.

In the back of my mind worry lingers.

"Kathleen, I'd rather you go and find out it's nothing, then find you dead somewhere."

I think that's what love is.

I'm probably overreacting, but things have been going on for ages.

My mom says I have to be well before we do anything. Well, as in how!?

"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."- Isaiah 55:9

[i can be a] jerkish friend

I say some pretty jerkish things.

--
I wrote this a couple weeks ago in a notebook and I'm going to post it.

"I play a game, a game of guessing. A game in which people are left hanging....wondering....waiting. I don't think I'd describe it as lying, no, it's more like being everywhere, but nowhere so someone can't pinpoint it. It's not wrong, but I'm tired of explaining and people's judgemental glances. So the question to myself is do I rather confused and worried looks than "all-knowing" smiles? I don't know yet. Covering over, spreading out. I'll try to stay alert in case I get into lying because that's not the goal. Lying never got anybody anywhere."

I can't remember what was on my mind when I wrote this, but for some reason it still feels relevent. Maybe this is jerkish too.
--

Sentimental Alert!

I was looking through pictures from the past year and I just couldn't help but tear up.
So many good things have happened this year. Gah. I can't even start. I look through the images at a lot of smiling..or almost... faces and I see my friends and family and my daycare children. Sigh. The biggest thing I noticed was the change in people's hairstyles. and..err haircolour....it's a rather prominent part of oneself, especially in photos. Maybe I'll do something new with my hair.:P

--

"Shiver" by Coldplay = friendship. (or one idea of it.:P)

--

I'm sorry for being :
1) Confusing
2) Frustrating
3) Depressing

and therefore making you :

1) confused
2) frustrated
3) worried

--

I can be jerkish.

--

Make me laugh.:)

words i never said

so did I happen to say one day...

"thrust me in the middle so I can learn some things I never thought I'd have to face in my world".

did I?

did I happen to say one day...

"throw something my way to beat me down, so I can learn to stand again."

did I?

did I happen to say one day...

" I want to feel it all in my heart, the pain and hurt of all my loved."

did I?

God, is this a nudge to reconsider decisions I thought were final?
No, it's more like a push; but I try to brace myself so hard.
Am I listening?