like art

if there is anything better than to be loved, it is loving.

I'm changing the concept.

How I'll "paint" it.

What angle I'll go at it from.

Oh yeah.

This is going to be good.

I've already started.

I can see.

Oh yeah.

*listen to some hip hop piano techno beats*

they are prety much amazing.

in reality, a dream of reality and reality

I miss someone incredibly. I haven't seen him in I think, 2 and a half years now and every so often I miss him so much, and right now is one of those times. We were basically best friends. I remember how we'd talk all the time. Other people couldn't stand him. I loved him. We argued about stuff, but we'd always end up seeing each other's point of view. We talked about faith, and God and life and I respected him so much. I kind of know where he is, but not really. I miss him, like you wouldn't believe. If I could find him he would talk to me; he would help me muddle things out. Oh gosh, I miss him.

--

He took her by the shoulders and looked into her eyes. " You need to chill"; his words shot down her spine. "I don't like what I'm seeing, why are you doing this?" he asked her concern rising in his voice. 'I have to " she whispered. 'No, you don't, you're going to kill yourself." She looked down quickly. "I can't let you go" he said 'I won't". She looked back up to see a look of determination on his face. "I'm not letting you go." he repeated and then gathered her in his arms and hugged her while she began to cry; she let the tears run down her cheeks and onto his shoulder as she burried her face in his light brown hair. "You can't save the world beautiful, if you can't even save yourself, you should know that. You can't take the weight of the world upon your shoulders, even though you have a heart that yearns to do just that." "I knowwww.butt..." she let the sentence trail off startled by his endearing passionate words . He continued on,"Don't try so hard, people love you even if you can't solve their problems." "I love you, why can't you understand that, why do you doubt so much?" "I don't know" she shook her head, eyes filling with tears again, "I just don't know. "

--

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil: cling to what is good.
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love.
Honour one another above yourselves.
Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the LORD.
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer.

Romans 12:9-12

It's a lot to aspire to, but it's beautiful.

where the heck am I?

Coldplay "Square One": You're in control, is there anywhere you wanna go? You're in control, is there anything you wanna know? The future's for discovering The space in which we're travelling From the top of the first page To the end of the last day From the start in your own way You just want somebody listening to what you say It doesn't matter who you are It doesn't matter who you are Under the surface trying to break through Deciphering the codes in you I need a compass, draw me a map I'm on the top, I can't get back Whoa whoa The first line on the first page To the end of the last page From the start in your own way You just want somebody listening to what you say It doesn't matter who you are It doesn't matter who you are You just want Somebody listening to what you say Oh, you just want somebody listening to what you say It doesn't matter who you are It doesn't matter who you are Is there anybody out there who's lost and hurt and lonely too Are they bleeding all your colours into one? and if you come undone As if you've been run through Some catapult it fired you You wonder if your chance will ever come Or if you're stuck in square one.
--

I pretty much got to get back to me.
I'm sorry.
You have no idea.
I don't listen.
You're trying to help.
While you watch me sink lower.
You're reaching.
I'm not seeing.
I only see what I choose to.
Why don't I see you.
Why can't I understand.
Your love is real.
Let not my mind wander.
To take life differently
Than how it's intended.
God help me.
Your love is real.

in my mind

(Girl Thinking: Brittni)

Thinking....goes on and on; beyond when we've reached the end of the thought process. It never stops. Torturous and lovely at the same time, the monolouge of conversation in our heads never stops. It never stops; no matter if it weighs heavily or reminds us of happiness. Thoughts of everything in between all mixed up. Thoughts of the past, present and future and how things would be if life was different. It keeps going 'round, all around in my head; these thoughts.

--

She wore a floor-length tiny strapped dress of midnight blue, rhinestones starting on the bottom front right and swirling up diagonally to her waist. He wore a black dress shirt and black dress pants. Her hair was caught up in a delicate bun with little bits of hair trailing out. His hair was combed and gelled only slightly. He held her hands as they stood in the middle of the floor looking at each other. Slowly, gently, he pulled her to him and they began to dance, slow and methodical. All eyes on the room lay on them as they circled the floor. Her heart pounded wildly and his breath came short; for one moment heaven was earth and it was as perfect as heaven will be.

And then it ended.

entering and exiting

I feel like breaking things down. (No kidding.:P)

Have you ever had someone in your life who was absolutely the best, but then you realized they're even better than you thought and if they're willing to be patient with you they can take you to a whole new level or approaching life? Well, I do. I have someone like that. I wish everybody had a somebody like that.

Have you ever had someone in your life who's been there for a long time, but you've never really noticed them until something happens or someone else prods you in the direction of understanding how amazing they are? Well, that's happened to me, and I don't really know what to think yet.

Have you ever had someone in your life you took for granted and was there for you all the time and then one day whether you were expecting it or not, they just got up and left you feeling abandoned? Well, that has happened to me, and it's not a hurt that goes away quickly.

Have you ever had someone in your life that was there for only a short time, but they left a mark on your life that will stay there forever? Well, this is a different scenerio, because that has happened to me both positively and negatively.

Have you ever had someone in your life that looked like and acted like they liked you and then you found out they actually didn't at all? (For clarification purposes: I mean the like as in just plainly liking someone, although this scenerio could also be used in the other like.)I have and wow it just makes/made me feel so blind and loserish.

Have you ever had someone in your life that just as you got to know them really well, they died? Well, I have and it takes a long time to get over it, especially when you think of what could have been...

Have you ever had someone in your life that sent you spinning sort of out of control? Well, I have, and it takes a while to get back on track.

Have you ever had someone in your life that you really thought you wouldn't be the same person if they weren't there? Well, I have and it's a scary thought to think otherwise.

Have you ever had someone in your life that you did something terrible to, but they forgave you, and somehow you moved on? Well, I have and I regret it all the time when I think about it. I've been...I am so immature.

Have you ever had someone in your life that loved you for a while and then something happened (you're not quite sure what) and it all ended? Well, I have, and when I think about it, I'm so confused and I always end up questioning myself.

Have you ever had someone in your life that didn't like you and then all of a sudden one day they decided they did love you and now you're great friends? Well, I have and I love those people so much.

Have you ever had someone in your life that you loved and then one day you asked yourself why you loved them? Well, I have and it's tough to deal with it...the decision to keep loving them.

Have you ever had someone in your life that you didn't see eye to eye with and you just assumed the person didn't want to get to know you at all? Well, I have, and crazy enough, some of those people are some of the most incredible people.

Have you ever realized that the very creation of us as humans is amazing and how God made us to think and see, and hear and understand, and all the many, many different things we feel.

And I think it should be changed to
"Do you have..." in some cases, because I would have to change some of those to present tense.

I think I was actually happy over the last 24 hours ...oddly...considering things; but I shouldn't feel bad about being happy.

Being who you are is tougher then it looks, but also a lot easier than some things.

"Every day is hard for those who suffer, but a happy heart is like a continual feast"
- Proverbs 15:15

My beloved friend imparted this wisdom to me.

I would ask that you just keep our family in prayer as my dad was let go for restructuring at his job today.

Thank you.


"I know that you can do all things and no plan of yours can be ruined"-Job 42:2

it is? it is not? it might be? HUH?

I wonder if it's true....
I feel like I should be confused or upset about something; maybe I am.
The number of times we tell part of the story, but don't tell all the details.
What's the gain?

--

They walked in companionable silence listening to the sounds echoing all around, the air gave the calm assurance of understanding.

They walked in stressed silence listening to the sounds echoing all around, the air gave the sense of tension laced with misunderstanding.

"This is exactly how I had imagined everything."

"This is not anything like I had imagined everything."

"I love you"

"I hate you"

"I love you"

"I..."

THE TRUTH?

--

...And we wonder why honesty and truth are so far removed?

I gotta leave or else I'm gone.
I feel so sorry for us all.
I really do.

I wish we thought about being thankful every day instead of just on one designated day a year.






PS. Happy 24th Anniversary Mum and Dad!


Love.

13

Keep on loving each other as brothers and sisters -Hebrews 13:1

A beautiful command.
Let's keep going.
No matter how it is.
Even if our world lies at our feet.
If we want to give up.
We won't, because there is love.
Love never get's old.

I will trust in Your love. My heart is happy because You saved me- Psalm 13:5

But I gain nothing if I do not have love - 1 Corinthians 13:3b

Backspace for the eighth time.

Thoughts sit tangled in my head.

Emotions are at the surface.

I need God.

I wish I could love properly.

I don't see.

I think I just must be growing; well, I don't know.

Maybe I'll just leave.