how do you see me?

I'm doing this personality course of sorts and one of the questions is "get your friends to give another perspective on yourself." So that's what I'm asking you. It's supposed to be a positively driven opinion, so uhmm, yeah, I ask that you keep it positive. lol. I don't think my friends are that cruel, it just says that you should make sure "they" know how it's sort of supposed to be.
If you'd like to share your perspective on me, you can either comment so anyone else can see, or you can email me. It's your choice. Isn't (almost) everything?

Love.

So, life is back to almost normal. it's hard to come down from camp. very hard. especially when your families life is so up in the air. My granddad is still in the hospital and he's not doing praticularly well.

He's there for me, with me, all the time. Oh I love God.
I totally realized this past week, I need to know my Bible more. I know it, but not enough.
There's so much I have to do and say and think.
Some experiences are untouchable and honestly cannot be explained to their full glory.

There's many thoughts, but for now, I'll say one thing and one thing only...

God is so good all the time; all the time God is so good.

last minute thoughts before camp

"It's been one of those days for a lot of days, I need a day when the world can take care of itself.........but I'm not done yet."
-Superchick- Not Done Yet.
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Tomorrow I go. I haven't been pumped for something this much since the play in May...I might even be more excited than then. I can't say I'm going completely unbiased, heh, but I like that I have a general idea of things. I like life that way.
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Sometimes you find lyrics to a song that explains everything. We want lyrics to be our answer sometimes, to show us, we're just like everybody else.
Sometimes you find a scene in a movie that you can relate to completely and it tries to be you. You try to make it you and it doesn't work.

That's because it all comes from the imaginations of people, based on real-life experiences, but glossed over with fairy tale endings.

Why can't someone write a song that ends just as depressing as it started? Something along the lines of (as the last chords of music play and fade out) "The darkness remains" I think that even as it would be so depressing, it would also be beautiful, because it's not all painted with the happy-go-lucky-smiley-face-you'll-get-what-you're-after-by-the-end-of-the-on-average-three-minutes-and-thirty-second-song.....And the I'm-breaking-up-with-you-because-you're- the-worst-guy-in-the-world songs don't count.

Why can't someone write a movie script that doesn't end with the main character boy and the girl hooking up.? Why can't we kill one of them off? (like A Walk to Remember somewhat) BUTTTT the person left has no hope at the end of the movie. OR someone else comes into one of the "couple" lines of vision and they just totally ditch the other person for the new person and it ends like that? I think that as "not done" as that is, it would more encouraging to some people, rather than the boy-meets-girl-or-vice-versa-and-they-go-out-and-it's-heaven-on-earth-for-a-while-but-then-something-happens-to-tear-them-apart-but-eventually-it-all-works-out-and-they-get-back-together-and-they-kiss-in-the-garden-and-live-happily-ever-after-movie.

Although, true confession time is here. I'm a girl, so sometimes I desperately "need" to watch that type of movie. I don't know why though. Is it because I want to try to convince myself my life will end up like that? (Which is a false view!) It's satisfactory for the moment? Rather, it makes me feel worse, because "everybody else... (I use "everybody" loosely)...life is together and they'll end up like the people in the movie and I won't. (That is also a very false view).

We ask ourselves how come these writers and lyricsts can write this stuff when most probably they go through the same things we do. Maybe they're just trying to comfort themselves as well and those people just happen to have the "privilege" of having the job they have. As a (songwriter) myself, I fall into the same trap, but I'm experimenting with different thought processes.

There is hope, but I don't really like false hope.

Now, I'm going to listen to my music that will give me temperary comfort.

"I don't want to be anybody else but me"

16 hours later reaction: Love is strong. I'm so glad love exists.

What else would we call the feeling that comes over us when we see someone we care deeply about hurting, or laughing, or crying, or staring back at us, or when we're thinking about them.
It comes in all shapes and sizes and ways.

I suppose we will survive.

prayer please

My granddad was taken to hospital at 4:45 this morning by ambulance. This is not a surprise, as he's been sick for a long time. We just didn't know how sick he was until we went camping with him 2 weeks ago. There is an element of calm that's come over our whole family as this means he's finally given in to professional help. He and my grandma didn't want to give in because they thought that would be having too little faith in the Lord. Amazing huh?

Thank you people.

Love.

Life could definitely be better; but I think God sometimes sends us earthly angels in various forms.

i am afraid.

hmmm

I've always wanted to be someone's baby sister.

To be (single) or not to be, that is the question.

I'd like to meet some new people soon.

Ah, the joys and failures of life.



P.S. I found out that I'm most definately going to Campfire!:)

I didn't do nothing...oh but I did...and you did too

Positive thinking, that's what I'm aiming for. I have some thoughts that must escape my mind tonight, because they need to. I keep wanting to take it back from God. No, it's time to dump it in His hands again.

Why do I doubt so much?
Why don't I trust more?
Why do I feel the most weak, when I'm supposed to be the strongest?
Why is it always about trying?
Why do I say things?

We all need someone who lets us be the real us with no demands, no qualifications and no "quote un-quotes".

Jazelyn and Mitchell...I'm working on it, I'll get there one day, hopefully soon.
You should know I want to.

Honesty counts all the time.

If you think I'm messed up, I probably am; in fact I'm downright insane. I know it.

Why....? there's so many questions, but eventually no matter how long I go around it, it comes back to God...and the fact that I'm so unworthy of His blessings. "I didn't do nothing."
Oh! but I did and you did too.........We accepted.

Camping

the rock.

lake mazinaw.

the most romantic spot there.

the lagoon.
the rock again.

Ahhh, where to start. Camping was in fact NOT what I expected, but what did I expect it to be? I do not really know. I suppose I thought it would be less stressful and more relaxing. Now it was beautiful. Bon Echo always is, and always has been, but it was not praticularly relaxing, but I did do A LOT of thinking and made some minor decisions.

Yellow kayaks are so cool.

Crashing into people (on a bike) also on my bike brings TOO much joy...and a few bruises.

I have to admit it was a good experience in a twisted sort of way. I needed something like that. Yeah, I don't expect you to completely follow that line of logic.

Green grass is so nice.

People watching is seemingly joyous, as well as extremely annoying, it leaves me shaking my head sometimes.

I think that's all I want to say.

i'm home...

but very tired in a lot of ways and i don't really know how to explain myself as i'm also feeling a lot of emotion right now in different areas. and i don't think i'm okay. in fact i'm not. to be perfectly honest.

...at least...there is one hope...no two...i am a staple...and i have Jesus just one tear, one sigh or one word away. thank God I know Him.

to bed I go, exhausted, weary and worn.

i'm not afraid to cry.