breathing deeply. burning muscles. tears. the sound of shoes hitting the cement. joy. getting it all out there. it feels good.

2

Deary me, as I read my post again in the format of my blog I saw the date and realized I have been blogging for 2 years today. I do not know how I remember these things, but I do. I need not say anything about my enjoyment of blogging, I think it is fairly evident. :-)

I must say [this dance]

In the dead of the night, last night, after a wonderfully happy cast and crew party; these lyrics spilled through my head over and over again. So I wrote them down, and now I'm putting them here. It's quite intimate I must say.

Can I have this dance forever
Can I waltz with you every day
Will you guide me through the footwork
Spin me out and bring me back in
Will you hold me in your arms
Lead me strongly on

I rather feel like it is a "chorus" for some song that must be brewing inside me somewhere. Oh, and before you think I've fallen into the pit of earthly romance without so much as backward glance or word of warning, I must also say it is a love song to Jesus. Go read it again.

Although...I must say yet again that this would be an incredibly romantic thing for a guy to say to the girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with. At least, that's what I think.

everybody dance now

Last week I made a list. One thing on the list that my blogger friend Bekah actually pointed out was "break to find beauty".

I did it. When I went away this weekend, I prayed that God would break me to find beauty, and He did it.

The theme was "new". I was thinking about that word. This is my own definition: new- the beginning of something different. It is. It's like breathing out brand spanking new air. Or waking up refreshed. I love God moments.

I threw away one of the deepest, darkest corners of my life on Saturday night. Or at least I tried to. I have no guarantee I'll 100% succeed, but I'm told I'm not alone. It was a dark corner that no other soul knows about, but it has turned into a corner of healing Light.

I am a pillar of marble and rock, beautiful and stately. I stand at the corner of people's lives. Sometimes, I don't know why I stand there, but I have a purpose for being there. I am strong.

God looked at us, and he said: "it is very good".

Everybody dance now.
--
So, you get spun out into a different rhythm and you find out this beat is harder dance to, but there's only a new spotlight you can spin into.
--
I do not understand, and I don't pretend to understand but here is my statement: I'll be your friend.
--
Cry any kind of tears all you want, it will get you places.
--
In case I ever forgot to tell you: I love you.
--
I'm waiting, as patiently as possible....

a friendship party

So, as Carol-Lee has inspired me to greater heights:

What are people doing on Victoria Day?
Would you like to have a impromtu party of sorts?
Like at the Burlington Waterfront?

--

I have some new jewels, and oh, they hurt.

I used to rule the world

So, in other words, if you feel like it, I kind of was hinting at, and sort of wondering, if you wouldn't mind, if you wanted to....call me? Or send me an email or I don't know, something! :P

I'm actually not talking to anyone inpraticular, by the way. Though it would be strange if you figured out my phone number and called me and I didn't know you.... anyways, you can tell I'm a little not altogether, so I guess, call at your own risk. It also explains why I'm posting stuff that doesn't have much meaning on my blog. You can only pay attention to yourself for so long.:P

SIGH.
I'm glad I decided to be honest. I feel better.

I love you.

THE END.

kind of

I'm kind of depressish. Not really, but sorta. I'm kind of lonely too. I guess you could say I'm in withdrawel. I'm getting back to the seriousness of school and it's kinda of crazy. I miss people, probably you. I told myself this time I wouldn't fall into this kind of pit, but I guess it was kind of inevitable. I'm good though, I think. But I think it would kinda lift me up a little if I had some interaction with a smiling face...or voice, that I loved.

--

I got this sweet new system for my room. iPod docking system, CD player, clock and radio all in one. It's pretty amazing. It even came with a remote, so I don't have to move my lazy self to change it or anything while I work away at my school. Ha. What incentive to work harder.:P

--

Does absence really make the heart grow fonder? Or is it in your head? Or merely in the heightened emotion of being seperated for a time?

--

Tomorrow is the beginning of a new chapter. I'm feeling: yes and no, thank you.

on we go

It took me forever to fall asleep last night. Something like 2:35 am is when it happened. Another chapter has closed, actually a few different chapters. Things are going to be different. I feel it deeply. People will remain, but differently. I'm going to grow to new heights, heights I only imagined, three years ago. It's going to be a whole new adventure. I thought about a lot while I was trying to relax. I cried too, and I got play make-up all over my pillow case. Oh well, it's better out in the open anyways.

A list, for me, but for you, if you need it:

1) remember to take yourself with you
2) keep chasing the light
3) always reach
4) if you love them, why don't you let them know, doesn't matter how.
5) cultivate a more adventurous attitude
6) let go even more
7) listen to music that makes you think
8) kick the cobwebs out of the closet (of your mind)
9) lay it down, at your Heavenly Father's feet, everything
10) break to find beauty
11) be a true friend
12) stand tall
13) be proud of your friends
14) never let go
15) try not to bad mouth people, gah, it's tough
16) keep golden memories close
17) remember to love people and life.

All in His time.

YP's tonight. Oh, joy!

this end

One more night.
I'm feeling pretty emotional.
I might cry tonight and I'm not apologizing, if I remember.

I want to give my best, my all.

If something seems perfect, is it actually perfect? Or does it just seem that way, because I want it to be perfect, or other people around me make it seem perfect?

I've changed a lot recently.
I don't care to admit some things. Hmm.

Today's bright moments are tomorrow's fond memories.

pulsing

I am soooooo excited for the next 3 days. Oh boy.
My heart is beating really hard and in my head I keep playing the scenes over and over again.
--
We are made in His image.
--
Now and forever, I love.

voices raised in love

AOC 2008 has gone down in the history books. Sadly, it goes so fast and it's hard to take in everything. This was definately my best year yet. Coffeehouse was amazing; I have so many talented friends. The music was altogether beautiful. My favourite being "A Clare Benediction". Square Dancing was rediculously fun, I really wish we could do it more often. Hanging out with friends and new friends and meeting new people...it's crazy and wonderful. Devotions were so good in my group. Just being around people of like-mind for a couple days is entirely refreshing.
My best memories:
Playing Hallelujah from Shrek while my friend Jordan sang during the Finale!
Luke, Jon and Keith singing Blessed Be Your Name with Carol-Lee and Ben accompanying them during Coffeehouse and the Finale! Made me cry both times. I like tears of love and joy.
Square Dancing. So much fun.
When my dear friend sat me down and was honest with me about someone because he loved me....and the way he wanted to protect me. Then the assistance my other dear friend was willing to lend. (:P)
Worship time on Thursday night.
What people wrote on my teal folder. Makes me feel so loved.
When the guys and girls came to sing altogether for the first time.
Devotions. Carol-Lee and Samuel were amazing leaders.
The rain...dancing in it with my arms thrown wide.
Realizing how much I love God and how much more I have to learn.

I always come away from AOC feeling full and ready to go at life again. I feel like I've got spiritual energy pumping through every part of me.

This week is the play. 1837: The Farmer's Revolt. I've been challenged this year, encountering some things I either didn't expect or didn't know how to handle. Like handling a rifle...among other things.... It's all for good though, and for learning and stretching, and it's super exhilerating. I'm rather looking forward to it.

For the record: I'm going back to braces, starting in the next month. I'm resigned to it, and it's easier this time 'cause I've been here before. Sigh.

I'll see you around. don't forget to love.


(Happy Birthday Carol-Lee! I am so glad I know you.)