Tonight...2006 ends.
Every year at this time I always sit back and wonder where the year went.
This year though, it seems to be over faster.
In yet, it also seems forever.
Some things seem like yesterday.
Others seem months and months ago.
People I met at the beginning of this year...I feel like I've known a lot longer than just 11 months.
I get this bittersweet feeling in me. I'm sad the year is over, but I can't wait to see what God has in store for me in the next year. And I try to think of all He has blessed me with in the last year and it put's me in awe of what He has given me and who He has placed in my life. It's almost overwhelming thinking back on all He has done. And I realize once again that my heavenly Father loves me more than anyone and He has my best interest in mind.
I have an awesome Father.
What have I learned this year?
I learned the true meaning of love.
I learned to give and take.
I learned that getting hyper is okay:P
I learned to just let it go.
I learned to live and love each day.
I learned that sometimes you just have to take it one step at a time.
I [RE]learned that honesty is the best policy.
I learned how to laugh out loud without regret.
I learned that there are some people in this world that love me for me.
And though I learned all that, I'm still learning 'cause there's something new to learn everyday.
If there wasn't, it would be pretty boring I think.
I feel like a whole different person from last year.
I do.
But it's the people in my life who make it.
My mom, We are different , yes. But you're a great sounding board. You listen for hours without complaint.
My dad, Singing. Fashion and Colour. Shopping. We have so much in common, and it's great.
My sister, We love to argue, but oh well, what would life be without it. Haha the jokes. (no comment).
My brother, You get me. That's all I'll say, you'll understand, 'cause you always do.
My friends. Keeping me going, co-op and choir and hanging out in between, and youth group and church. You guys are the best. I love you.
And last but certainly not least.
God. For all you've done in my life. For all you have yet to reveal. You know my heart, my wishes, my desires, my thoughts and my dreams. Thank you for Your mercy and Your grace. The love that you give. For You do truly know the plans You have for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future. Thank you.
FREEDOM.
LOVE.
My 2 words of 2006.
And now it is time for me to say goodbye to 2006 and post this as my final post of the year.
I leave you with this.
"There are better things ahead than any we leave behind"- [C.S.Lewis]
Amen.
Happy New Year!!
love you all,
Kathleen
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Friday, December 29, 2006
Dreaming
*Dreaming*
*Believing*
To see dreams filfulled...
Even if they are not mine.
*You inspire me*
I sit [somewhat] in awe.
Could I dream that big?
"Nothing happens unless first we dream."- [Carl Sandburg]
"There is nothing like a dream to create the future."- [Victor Hugo]
My dreams seem too big...but no dream is too big.
[ Sounds so cliche though.]
Compared to yours, mine sound so insignificant.
Do I even have real dreams?
Or are they just spur of the moment fantasies?
I wish I knew, I wish I knew.
Chase the stars...
*Dreaming*
*Believing*
To see dreams filfulled...
Even if they are not mine.
*You inspire me*
I sit [somewhat] in awe.
Could I dream that big?
"Nothing happens unless first we dream."- [Carl Sandburg]
"There is nothing like a dream to create the future."- [Victor Hugo]
My dreams seem too big...but no dream is too big.
[ Sounds so cliche though.]
Compared to yours, mine sound so insignificant.
Do I even have real dreams?
Or are they just spur of the moment fantasies?
I wish I knew, I wish I knew.
Chase the stars...
*Dreaming*
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Beauty
I see you sitting there on your front porch.
You haven't noticed that I'm watching you.
You turn your head, but you don't see me.
You're probably lost in your fantasies.
The thing that I don't get is that you fail to see,
How beautiful you are, inside and out.
It's your internal beauty that I fell in love with.
But I love to look at your external beauty.
Beauty is only in the eye of the beholder.
Maybe not everybody would see how beautiful you are.
But I believe you're a beautiful person.
I shake out of my thoughts as I suddenly catch your eye.
As I watch, you stand up and run down the steps.
It takes me a moment before I realize.
You're headed for me.
I smile at you as you walk toward me.
You sit down beside me and turn to look at me
And as innocent as anything you ask me this question:
"Do you think I'm beautiful?"
You're looking at me, almost nervously.
I wonder yet again, how can you not see?
Carefully, slowly I begin to speak.
I tell you that you're beautiful
I tell you that you're sweet.
I tell you that you mean the world to me, and many others.
You begin to cry and the tears flood down your cheeks.
As you open up your heart and reveal to me.
You're questioning your self worth.
I stare at you in silence, and then I begin to cry
I throw my arms around you.
Praying that you'll hear me
As I tell you all the things.
That I love and cherish about you.
We sit there on my front steps for hours.
Talking about everything.
Not noticing that the sun is setting.
Not noticing anything at all.
And then we hear your mother call.
And we are forced back into the world.
You slowly get up and looking at me, you say.
"What would I do without you?"
I smile at you and jump up and hug you again.
Then I send you off down the street with the promise to call.
As I watch you walk back down the street.
I can't help but think how beautiful you are, inside and out.
Just before you walk inside, you turn and yell.
"I love you friend"
And I yell back:
"I love you too"
I sink back onto the porch.
Thinking about all that's taken place.
I always thought that you were the strong one.
But today I realize I am strong.
And I also realize that you have helped me
Realize that I too, am beautiful.
Inside and out.
And the sun sets with my realization.
You haven't noticed that I'm watching you.
You turn your head, but you don't see me.
You're probably lost in your fantasies.
The thing that I don't get is that you fail to see,
How beautiful you are, inside and out.
It's your internal beauty that I fell in love with.
But I love to look at your external beauty.
Beauty is only in the eye of the beholder.
Maybe not everybody would see how beautiful you are.
But I believe you're a beautiful person.
I shake out of my thoughts as I suddenly catch your eye.
As I watch, you stand up and run down the steps.
It takes me a moment before I realize.
You're headed for me.
I smile at you as you walk toward me.
You sit down beside me and turn to look at me
And as innocent as anything you ask me this question:
"Do you think I'm beautiful?"
You're looking at me, almost nervously.
I wonder yet again, how can you not see?
Carefully, slowly I begin to speak.
I tell you that you're beautiful
I tell you that you're sweet.
I tell you that you mean the world to me, and many others.
You begin to cry and the tears flood down your cheeks.
As you open up your heart and reveal to me.
You're questioning your self worth.
I stare at you in silence, and then I begin to cry
I throw my arms around you.
Praying that you'll hear me
As I tell you all the things.
That I love and cherish about you.
We sit there on my front steps for hours.
Talking about everything.
Not noticing that the sun is setting.
Not noticing anything at all.
And then we hear your mother call.
And we are forced back into the world.
You slowly get up and looking at me, you say.
"What would I do without you?"
I smile at you and jump up and hug you again.
Then I send you off down the street with the promise to call.
As I watch you walk back down the street.
I can't help but think how beautiful you are, inside and out.
Just before you walk inside, you turn and yell.
"I love you friend"
And I yell back:
"I love you too"
I sink back onto the porch.
Thinking about all that's taken place.
I always thought that you were the strong one.
But today I realize I am strong.
And I also realize that you have helped me
Realize that I too, am beautiful.
Inside and out.
And the sun sets with my realization.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Merry Christmas...
Christmas Eve 2 am. Snow is falling down in the streets. Echo soft, songs that were sung by candlelight.....
Well.... It is definitely NOT snowing. In fact, it's 5 degrees Celcius and it was raining earlier.
it doesn't feel like Christmas at all.
I keep trying to "feel" the Christmas spirit. And it's totally not working.
I mean it's Christmas Eve, but does it feel like it?
Not even close.
Even celebrating Winter Solstice *uhhhumm* is hard to do with the extreme lack of the white stuff.
I guess I can say I tried.
Christmas is supposed to be about peace and joy and love.
I'm not feeling it.
I heard that Christmas is all that YOU make it.
I guess I should be trying harder, but it's really hard.to conjure up those feelings with the missing elements. ( as I may have already mentioned).
I'm lonely tonight.
Don't ask why.
Not because there's a bad reason why I'm lonely.
I honestly don't really know.
I'm forgiving someone that didn't know they hurt me.
I'm sorry I treated you that way last time I saw you.
Because truthfully, I miss you.
We haven't talked in ages.
Like really talked.
My phone hasn't rung.
Oh as a little side note.
It was my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary on Friday (Dec 22nd).
I was thinking about it.
Imagine living with someone for 50 years.
Imagine all the emotions, the experiences shared.
I cannot imagine it.
I just hope that one day I get there myself.
50 years married to my love of life.
Happy (belated) Anniversary Grandma and Grandad!!
Well I'm coming to the end of this post. it'a getting late and *cough**cough* Santa will be here soon. I better sleep...after I get the rest of my presents wrapped.
Merry Christmas everybody!!
Even though there's no snow...
love you all,
--Kathleen<3
Well.... It is definitely NOT snowing. In fact, it's 5 degrees Celcius and it was raining earlier.
it doesn't feel like Christmas at all.
I keep trying to "feel" the Christmas spirit. And it's totally not working.
I mean it's Christmas Eve, but does it feel like it?
Not even close.
Even celebrating Winter Solstice *uhhhumm* is hard to do with the extreme lack of the white stuff.
I guess I can say I tried.
Christmas is supposed to be about peace and joy and love.
I'm not feeling it.
I heard that Christmas is all that YOU make it.
I guess I should be trying harder, but it's really hard.to conjure up those feelings with the missing elements. ( as I may have already mentioned).
I'm lonely tonight.
Don't ask why.
Not because there's a bad reason why I'm lonely.
I honestly don't really know.
I'm forgiving someone that didn't know they hurt me.
I'm sorry I treated you that way last time I saw you.
Because truthfully, I miss you.
We haven't talked in ages.
Like really talked.
My phone hasn't rung.
Oh as a little side note.
It was my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary on Friday (Dec 22nd).
I was thinking about it.
Imagine living with someone for 50 years.
Imagine all the emotions, the experiences shared.
I cannot imagine it.
I just hope that one day I get there myself.
50 years married to my love of life.
Happy (belated) Anniversary Grandma and Grandad!!
Well I'm coming to the end of this post. it'a getting late and *cough**cough* Santa will be here soon. I better sleep...after I get the rest of my presents wrapped.
Merry Christmas everybody!!
Even though there's no snow...
love you all,
--Kathleen<3
Thursday, December 21, 2006
someconfusionoflife
There is still, there is calm.
But underneath, there is tension.
Or maybe it's my imagination.
Gone again.
Maybe it's the lost hopes and dreams,
That I've finally opened my eyes to.
Maybe reality isn't as bad as it seems.
I could get used to this.
Falling to pieces.
Wait, am I?
Slowly, it all makes sense.
Feet on the ground.
An odd sort of joy,
Enveloping me.
Closing off old thoughts.
Previous old feelings.
Are they old?
I think so.
In a way I hope so.
I may never know.
Will they understand?
Of course they will.
My head is spinning
My eyes are closing.
I'm submitting to dreams,
Unrealistic.
No I'm not.
Not anymore.
Tell me your dreams,
I'll tell you mine.
The sun is still shining.
You haven't left.
There is still, there is calm,
Things will be alright.
You'll see.
Love will still rule.
But underneath, there is tension.
Or maybe it's my imagination.
Gone again.
Maybe it's the lost hopes and dreams,
That I've finally opened my eyes to.
Maybe reality isn't as bad as it seems.
I could get used to this.
Falling to pieces.
Wait, am I?
Slowly, it all makes sense.
Feet on the ground.
An odd sort of joy,
Enveloping me.
Closing off old thoughts.
Previous old feelings.
Are they old?
I think so.
In a way I hope so.
I may never know.
Will they understand?
Of course they will.
My head is spinning
My eyes are closing.
I'm submitting to dreams,
Unrealistic.
No I'm not.
Not anymore.
Tell me your dreams,
I'll tell you mine.
The sun is still shining.
You haven't left.
There is still, there is calm,
Things will be alright.
You'll see.
Love will still rule.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
The Mask
She hides behind a mask of fear,
A mask of doubt and unacceptance.
Doesn't she know that's it alright.
To show her face.
She hides because things aren't perfect,
Well, nobody's life is a fairytale.
Doesn't she know that it's alright.
To show her face.
She hides because of the issues,
The pain and the hurt that have overcome her.
Doesn't she know that it's alright.
To show her face.
She hides because she doesn't know,
How the people will respond.
Doesn't she know that it's alright.
To show her face.
It's alright to show her face,
To come out from behind the mask.
So people can see the beautiful her.
And her beautiful face.
This world has forced so many people,
To fake a laugh, fake a smile.
Too fast, too soon everybody will be
Hiding behind a mask of their own.
A mask lurks in the darkness
To take hold and cover our faces.
Do we want to end up hidden?
That's where we are bound.
Truth it teeters on the line,
A mask, it waits.
To overwhelm us with it's power.
And a fake identity.
Please I beg her.
Take off the mask!
She needs to know that people love her.
She needs to know that people care.
She hides behind a mask of fear.
A mask of doubt and unacceptance
Doesn't she know that's it's alright.
To show her face.
Please show your face.
A mask of doubt and unacceptance.
Doesn't she know that's it alright.
To show her face.
She hides because things aren't perfect,
Well, nobody's life is a fairytale.
Doesn't she know that it's alright.
To show her face.
She hides because of the issues,
The pain and the hurt that have overcome her.
Doesn't she know that it's alright.
To show her face.
She hides because she doesn't know,
How the people will respond.
Doesn't she know that it's alright.
To show her face.
It's alright to show her face,
To come out from behind the mask.
So people can see the beautiful her.
And her beautiful face.
This world has forced so many people,
To fake a laugh, fake a smile.
Too fast, too soon everybody will be
Hiding behind a mask of their own.
A mask lurks in the darkness
To take hold and cover our faces.
Do we want to end up hidden?
That's where we are bound.
Truth it teeters on the line,
A mask, it waits.
To overwhelm us with it's power.
And a fake identity.
Please I beg her.
Take off the mask!
She needs to know that people love her.
She needs to know that people care.
She hides behind a mask of fear.
A mask of doubt and unacceptance
Doesn't she know that's it's alright.
To show her face.
Please show your face.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
People
Have you ever thought about people?
Haha, if you answered NO to that question, umm, well, I don't know:P
But have you really thought about people, and how different we are?
Each with our own personality.
A one -in -this -world character.
Do you think it's funny how some personalities get along really well with certain other personalities, but not very well at all with others?
We should all be able to get along with each other no matter who we are, or what we look like.
We don't need to all be "ho humm were the best friends ever" with everyone.
But I think it would be nice to at least have the freedom to smile at everyone.
I was just thinking about that.
Well I'm gonna take a step out my ordinary and speak directly about one person.
I think that everyone should meet this person, because he is easily the definition of cool.
"All kinds of fabulous".
My friend Victor. Probably the most atmosphere adapting, versitile guy I know.
I really feel just plain old comfortable with him.
And I admire his "I-REALLY-don't-care-what-others-think" attitude toward life.
I wish I had that as much as he does.
From the first time I met him and he flirted with me, to the last sincere comment he made to me last night at a party.
I've always liked him.
You should meet him.
Oh and best of all, he loves God:-D
Call early, cause his appointment book fills up quickly.
Are you going to hide the truth away or are you going to share it?
Honesty is the best.
As many of you who read this blog know I was taking an art course, and we had to come up with a concept and paint it.
Mine came to me in the middle of the night one night.
It was so vivid in my mind.
So clear and crisp and totally in focus.
I knew that's what I HAD to paint.
Thanks be to God, my art teacher loved my concept so I was able tto stick with it all the way through.
What i didn't tell anyone else was that when I got my concept I also knew who I wanted dedicate it to.
I dedicated it to my 2 best friends.
Seriously, I don't care if I'm THEIR best friend or not.
The only thing I care about is that they're MY bestfriends.
Kathleen and Keith.
2 of the best people walking this earth.
Inspiring to me.
Still unbelievable to me is that they love me for me.
And I don't have to try to be anything else.
When I act like the weirdest person ever, they shake their heads, but don't walk away.
Oh and my concept?
"God loves us, enabling us to go out and love others with the love of Jesus."
As I approach this Christmas, I approach it a lot differently then last year.
Last year I was depressed. This year I couldn't be happier.
Last year I was unsatisfied. This year I am pretty satisfied.
Last year I had more questions than answers. This year I still have more questions than answers but it's easier to handle.
Last year I cried on this night as I sat home alone. This year I'm going to a Christmas party.
Last year I was wishing for just one friend to understand me. This year I have beautiful friends that understand me.
Last year I was dreading Christmas. This year I'm anxiously anticipating celebrating the Birth of Jesus with friends and family.
That's it for now.
Thank you for reading.
I love you, whoever you are.
--Kathleen
Haha, if you answered NO to that question, umm, well, I don't know:P
But have you really thought about people, and how different we are?
Each with our own personality.
A one -in -this -world character.
Do you think it's funny how some personalities get along really well with certain other personalities, but not very well at all with others?
We should all be able to get along with each other no matter who we are, or what we look like.
We don't need to all be "ho humm were the best friends ever" with everyone.
But I think it would be nice to at least have the freedom to smile at everyone.
I was just thinking about that.
Well I'm gonna take a step out my ordinary and speak directly about one person.
I think that everyone should meet this person, because he is easily the definition of cool.
"All kinds of fabulous".
My friend Victor. Probably the most atmosphere adapting, versitile guy I know.
I really feel just plain old comfortable with him.
And I admire his "I-REALLY-don't-care-what-others-think" attitude toward life.
I wish I had that as much as he does.
From the first time I met him and he flirted with me, to the last sincere comment he made to me last night at a party.
I've always liked him.
You should meet him.
Oh and best of all, he loves God:-D
Call early, cause his appointment book fills up quickly.
Are you going to hide the truth away or are you going to share it?
Honesty is the best.
As many of you who read this blog know I was taking an art course, and we had to come up with a concept and paint it.
Mine came to me in the middle of the night one night.
It was so vivid in my mind.
So clear and crisp and totally in focus.
I knew that's what I HAD to paint.
Thanks be to God, my art teacher loved my concept so I was able tto stick with it all the way through.
What i didn't tell anyone else was that when I got my concept I also knew who I wanted dedicate it to.
I dedicated it to my 2 best friends.
Seriously, I don't care if I'm THEIR best friend or not.
The only thing I care about is that they're MY bestfriends.
Kathleen and Keith.
2 of the best people walking this earth.
Inspiring to me.
Still unbelievable to me is that they love me for me.
And I don't have to try to be anything else.
When I act like the weirdest person ever, they shake their heads, but don't walk away.
Oh and my concept?
"God loves us, enabling us to go out and love others with the love of Jesus."
As I approach this Christmas, I approach it a lot differently then last year.
Last year I was depressed. This year I couldn't be happier.
Last year I was unsatisfied. This year I am pretty satisfied.
Last year I had more questions than answers. This year I still have more questions than answers but it's easier to handle.
Last year I cried on this night as I sat home alone. This year I'm going to a Christmas party.
Last year I was wishing for just one friend to understand me. This year I have beautiful friends that understand me.
Last year I was dreading Christmas. This year I'm anxiously anticipating celebrating the Birth of Jesus with friends and family.
That's it for now.
Thank you for reading.
I love you, whoever you are.
--Kathleen
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Busy Days
<< My love of life, Kathleen and myself.It's been a while. And I've missed blogging.
My days have been filled with everything from painting to singing to babysitting.
And everything in between.
This time of year is ALWAYS more busy for me.
I just get so over whelmed and stressed
I guess it's normal that if you're busy, you'll have some element of stress.
This past Monday was the Strings Etc! concert.
I thought it was amazing.
We sounded soooo good.
And we got to wear ALL black. WOOT!
Tomorrow is the last day of co-op.
Due:
Skirt
Painting
Essay
Completion of reading of Transforming Vision.
I have to say I'm kind of dissapointed it's the end, even though it will take a load off of my schedule. I love co-op and the people at co-op.
They're the best ever.
And we have some awesome times.
Especially in sewing class.:P
Christmas is coming up FAST.
I've got maybe 50% of my shopping done.
It doesn't need to cause so much pressure, but it does.
And even though I tell myself I'm not going to get caught up in it.
I do.
*Sigh*
Well I have some work to do
Love you all,
Thursday, November 23, 2006
My Friends
I love my friends dearly.
I cherish them.
I adore them.
I pray for them as much as I can.
They mean the world to me.
Whatever they feel, I feel.
I celebrate with them.
I dispair with them.
I feel their pain.
I (try to) help them.
Sometimes I just listen.
But I'm okay with that.
The things that have been said to me in confidence, are hidden away, deep inside.
You know that is also like God and us.. He is like that with us.
I love you..................and you.....................and you.............and you................and you............... and you.....................and you........................and you..................and you.....................and you.........and you.............and you..........and you.............and you too.
Yep I pretty much do.
Just wanted to tell you.
Even If I might be kinda afraid to say it to your face.
I love you.
It's true.
Kathleen
I cherish them.
I adore them.
I pray for them as much as I can.
They mean the world to me.
Whatever they feel, I feel.
I celebrate with them.
I dispair with them.
I feel their pain.
I (try to) help them.
Sometimes I just listen.
But I'm okay with that.
The things that have been said to me in confidence, are hidden away, deep inside.
You know that is also like God and us.. He is like that with us.
I love you..................and you.....................and you.............and you................and you............... and you.....................and you........................and you..................and you.....................and you.........and you.............and you..........and you.............and you too.
Yep I pretty much do.
Just wanted to tell you.
Even If I might be kinda afraid to say it to your face.
I love you.
It's true.
Kathleen
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
You know....
"You know you're close friends when..... you can read each other like an open book, eye conversations are a regular occurrence, you talk for hours but still aren't finished talking, you never seem to run out of things to say, you have troubles saying goodbye, goodbyes end up being the longest part of your conversation, you email each other for random reasons, you find yourself looking forward to seeing them the next time....even if you just saw them yesterday...or even an hour ago, if you part ways without a hug...you feel like you have a hole inside, you get so lost in conversation that you don't even hear your other friend practically yelling in your ear, you smile just thinking about your friend, and last but certainly not least....you tell each other "I Love You."
-Kathleen
-Kathleen
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