musing [after midnight]

This post will be understood, hopefully. Tonight I was reminded I treat my blog as rather a public journal and people can't always relate. I could applogize for not being readily understood, but that would probably be silly because this is my writing space and if you really have no interest, you won't read it. I'm still learning to not apologize for stupid things. It's a habit I picked up and I'm still trying to shake it. Alright, so to compensate a little bit, just so you feel like you might understand something, here's the sheet I had to fill out about myself because I was a little shocked to sit there and tell someone who I was. I don't think about me very often. At least in the whole deep inside in the core of my very being me. But, who is me?

Name: Kathleen Margaret (Danielle).
I'm not going to say where I live because I'll never be exactly sure who might be reading my maybe not so inspiring words. (I am slightly afraid of stalkers)
If the house were on fire, besides people, pets and photos I would take my box of notes and letters, because they mean a lot to me.
I would like to live in the city, maybe in a loft.
If I won a trip, I would go...I don't really know. There are so many places I would love to go. I said Paris in class.
If I could go to dinner with someone famous (living or dead) I'd go with Queen Esther.
If I could change the world I would erradicate abortion.
In ten years I would like to be working with children in some capacity.
The symbol I'd select to represent me is...drum roll....a heart. (surprise?)
If I were a car I'd be a Toyota Solara convertible.
My favourite food is Fettichine Alfredo.
My birthday is in June.
I am most thankful for love in my life.
My favourite colour is green.
I become upset when I see people disrespecting each other (in any way really).
The (political) issue I'd never like to hear about again is abortion, because it would be erradicated/illegal/against the law/not cool/untolerable etc.
The time period I'd most like to travel to is the late 1800's, hello big dresses, chivalry, and respect.
My favourite charity is the crisis pregnancy center. One day I want to go there and make a difference.
What I like most about Canada can be considered cliche. Freedom and diversity among us.


I'm bizarre, dramatic on very much purpose sometimes. (Thankfuly I've learned asking for attention with actions is not the way to live life). I'm out there. I won't say the right thing at the right time. I will freak out weirdly and stress when I shouldn't. I judge people. I'm slightly clumsy. I used to be a ballerina. I have been known to be a jerk. I try to please everyone. I can be overbearing. But...I love love deeply. I love to encourage people. I love to love people and tell them that I love them. Something that's considered awkward in this world, so I stray away. I experience great joy at seeing people talk and laugh together. Children are my passion, somehow. I have Bible verses all over my wall and I read them, and try to live them too. I get frustrated I can't be be a better person and I can't say more intelligent things. Above all I love to try to love my Heavenly Father.

Well, there. Not so confusing, maybe you can understand this time. Maybe you understand other times too. I don't know, but that's okay.

(Btw, don't think I'm stressed out that you said that about my blog. It made me think. And, yes, I am talking to a very select audience which is something I do sometimes. Lucky you, eh? You're the target audience for this one bracketted statement.:) Thank you for being you. (like how cliche that was? hehe.))

To the rest who didn't understand the brackett ( I'm not aplogizing...)..if there is a rest...if there's any. Thank you for reading and for living. If I know you, I love you. Okay.

This has been long. Maybe long is best understood

Ending with something intelligent. I'm magic.

...get set...

The first official day of co-op. I feel so very different about this year than any other. Not to mention media arts are not my forte. (Apparently I'll have designed a website by the end of the term...) But I am determined to do the best I can and have some fun. I like that Steve Pypker is teaching the Current Issues course. I know I'm going to enjoy it. Toastmasters is nothing like I expected. I almost feel like it's a joke at this point. Maybe that feeling will pass.

I like how love is boundless. I keep finding it in corners.

My music preferences are expanding rapidly. Added to the list: Death Cab for Cutie (I know, some are saying, "it took you long enough.") I rather enjoy, immensely.

I like how love is boundless. I keep finding it in corners, for you.

Common ground is a very good thing to have for any kind of relationship.

I like how love keeps coming up, I keep finding it in corners, and I never get tired of it.

Sarah told the world today: "Kathleen loves love." True that.

He's true.

trying to ignore it

"Why do you have to be so cute? It's impossible to ignore you. Must you make me laugh so much? It's bad enough we get along so well." (Imogen Heap-Goodnight and Go)

(This is how it is...)
--
May I never take You, Lord for granted. (Oh, but I do....)
--
How can you bring someone down who is stapled to the clouds?
(This is true...)
This is just for you...my new reader.:P

the scenery was the same, and that's almost it.

Canoe Trip 2008.
The best one for me yet.
A great expanse of water.
Trees all around.
Laughter.
Paddles driving through the water.
18x10 tents.
Rain during the first night.
Snacks.
Acknowleging I'm not the same as I was the last time we did this.
Feeling the difference.
Mist paddling across a section of Gerogian Bay.
Partnering with friends.
Making the "cast iron" canoe move it.
Pwning a portage. AKA: Not doing it. Pushing against the current.
Having to find a different camp site than planned the second night.
It: being beautiul, with logs for benches.
Shoulder/back massages.
Trying to encourage.
Leading devotions.
Getting to know people better.
And for the first time.
Being able to comfortably help tank a canoe.
Realizing the "seniors" are in the minority.
5 of us. 3 guys, 2 girls.
Building another Ebeneezer rock monument.
Swimming in seriously cold water.
Sharing good times.
Falling asleep on the way home.
Shoulders to lean on.
Arriving home in the rain.
Thinking about it all, again.
Loving, again.

Growing Older Groupies: Gordon, Jon, Sarah, Jordan and I, Kathleen.

May we be able to achieve what we are called to do.
I love those other 4 a lot, I'm glad we were friends before, now it just get's better.
Stickin' it together.
But, guess what? We missed you. We talked about you and how it was all different without you people.
Yes.

I'm beginning to feel older.

1 Thess 5: 12-24, especially verses 16,17&18.

the middle

I thought I would be unmoved.

history written

My summer in photos, in no praticular order whatsoever. Abby and I (veryyyy sunny)

Belle!

Tawni!

Jenna! (I know it's slightly out of focus, but she's beautiful)
Sarah!

CJ! (my handsome man!)



Jenna, Sarah, Abby and Tawni<3The Daycare!

oh Campfire!

oh Service Week!

oh Parties!

The most beautiful: Karin

Ryan

Katrina and Karin

Luke and Keith, how dull life would be without them.

Karin and I screaming silently

Karin and I blowing kisses...

Karin and I trying to smile normally

The Red Roses! (D1)

Keith and Ryan! (D1)

Chapel! (D1)

Katie and I (in our matching Gleaner's shirts-SW)

Red Roses chalking up the front porch (D1)

BOYS! (D4)

Rosalie(Waterwings) and I (Harttz) -Co-counselor's! (D4)

Campers! (D4)

Karin came to visit @ D4!

Mel/Mels/Melanie/Zizzle /Zizz and Erica (SW)

Katie, Faythe and I (SW)

D4!

D1!

...But if you never try, you'll never know...

Summer 2008 makes a quiet exit accompanied by fragmented thoughts, music and love. There is so much I could say, but I don't know if I want to say it all out loud.

I did say this, but I know it more everyday, I am not the same: inside out.

I am captivated by You, all over again.

I'm on top, On top of what? I'm a senior. It doesn't feel as old as it looked a mere 4 years ago.

Gone are the days of summer, we couldn't change them if we tried.

I don't want to. Not a day. Not a lesson learned. Not a smile shared. Not a situation handled. Not a frustration expressed. Not a hug shared. Not.

Something beautiful, has taken control of me.

This is just the beginning (again).

Philippians 2:1-18

like we've done so many times before

We sat and talked, it was 1 am, again. This time, 1 am was all different. It is different. It's a new chapter, and a new life. "It could have ended in hate, but what we got left with was some kind of love pulling us through. Hard to imagine if things had been different". Here we go... and this time it REALLY is different, we're not just pretending.

I'm so glad God has a divinely perfect plan and even though I totally don't know what I'm doing, He does. Yeah, I need to say that and believe it over and over again, and then over again.

A new hope and new dreams, for me, for you, for the world.

God is good, ALL the time!

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

prone to be out there

D4 is over and done with. In fact there's no more camp this summer. I think my harttz breaking. I learned so much more, and that's one thing I relearned; you are never ever finished learning.
God's plan is rediculously perfect and I don't have to worry at all, 'cause He knows what He's doing even when I totally do not. When will I remember?

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I knew it, but now I know it. One told me, at least I was honest about my life and she respected that a lot. You know, I don't even know if I could hide if I wanted to and I'm pretty sure I don't want to. I suppose I'll just keep up being me and let it all hang out sometimes.

You know what I love to do? Encourage people. It has become my hobby this summer. Encouragment is most ardently vital of life. So is love. I'm blessed to have both, to give and recieve.

We sat under the starry sky and you told me the truth...I always heard that the truth is what set's you free, and I know it's true.

one last hug

To say goodbye it breaks your heart, breaks your mind and breaks your emotion.
The danger of people, is you get attached, and then eventually you break apart.
The saying 'savour every moment' is so true, how often we loose sight.
In some ways a part of my died today on the sidewalk as I walked away from them.
It was the last time they would be there and I would be there with them.
Now, it will always be me there and them somewhere else.
This has caused me more pain and tears than anything in a while.
To think they are only almost three, and seven, then thirty four and thirty seven.
One last hug, then they were gone, and I'm again walking, on yet another slightly turned path.

And I am so happy about other things...
What an emotional up and down wreck I am.
God loves to care about these wrecks, and I am eternally greatful for that.

I think I'm falling really fast, and I have an idea of where I want to land. Eeeek.

eyes wrenched open

I am rocked and shaken, and I am very happy.
I have a lot to think about and I can't keep it all contained.
It's all running around in my head and driving me.
What I've seen and what I've done I may never do again.
I would do it again though, if I had the chance.
I want to learn more, but I feel like I might explode if it came in now.
At the back of my mind I say I can't understand, because I haven't "been" there.
I can do my own understanding, I just don't get it like anybody else, like you don't.
When I climbed in my eyes were wrenched open and they watered like crazy.
I just couldn't close them though, I know now.
Give me strength to be what he needs, he believes in me so much.
It's daunting and amazing, and I don't know where this is all headed.
But I'm excited for this new path of people and of mind-set.
Also please God, grant me strength as they take-off.
I'm going to miss them like crazy, but I want to go next February.
I'm blessed beyond words, beyond measure, beyond anything I deserve.
Thank you to many people and thank you Lord.
Your will be done.

-Philppians 2:1-18-