Sunshine in my hair. It hit me in choir.
My soul will make its boast in God, for He has answered all my cries, His faithfulness to me is as sure as the dawn of a new day.
It hit me. He'll answer all my cries....or questions, just, maybe not today.
That in itself is a question answered.
I'm comforted by that.
And friendship.
Monday, April 07, 2008
needing some air
Why would someone kill his wife?
Does true love really last forever?
How can you feel one way one day and totally different the next?
Why do doctors go through so much school and still don't have all the answers?
Why do I struggle so much sometimes?
Why does jealousy present itself so often?
How can I get the truth?
What's more important, honesty or friendship?
Why does segragation feel so natural?
How can you keep giving of yourself?
Why are we better suited to some people over others?
What's the true meaning of friendship?
Why does this world seem to be getting darker?
Why do eyes seem to say so much?
How do you keep it in perspective?
How can you build a healthy relationship without it all being emotional?
How do you find love?
How can you figure out if someone has pure motives?
Why does night bring out things from deep inside you?
What good does crying do?
Why do you sometimes get this overwhelming feeling that people are talking about you a lot, sort of behind your back?
Why is it that when you think you've got a stradegy to run with, your life changes again.
Why must your heart be so fragile?
Why aren't there enough hours in a day?
What if I want to do something different?
Why do denominational tags matter so much?
Why does everybody think they are right?
Why is it easier to let some people in then others?
Why do we go 'round and 'round and 'round again?
Why is it that even though I feel like my body is exploding, I feel closer to my heavenly Father each passing day?
I don't expect you to know to answers. I just needed to see it in front of me.
The joy of the Lord is my strength.
Does true love really last forever?
How can you feel one way one day and totally different the next?
Why do doctors go through so much school and still don't have all the answers?
Why do I struggle so much sometimes?
Why does jealousy present itself so often?
How can I get the truth?
What's more important, honesty or friendship?
Why does segragation feel so natural?
How can you keep giving of yourself?
Why are we better suited to some people over others?
What's the true meaning of friendship?
Why does this world seem to be getting darker?
Why do eyes seem to say so much?
How do you keep it in perspective?
How can you build a healthy relationship without it all being emotional?
How do you find love?
How can you figure out if someone has pure motives?
Why does night bring out things from deep inside you?
What good does crying do?
Why do you sometimes get this overwhelming feeling that people are talking about you a lot, sort of behind your back?
Why is it that when you think you've got a stradegy to run with, your life changes again.
Why must your heart be so fragile?
Why aren't there enough hours in a day?
What if I want to do something different?
Why do denominational tags matter so much?
Why does everybody think they are right?
Why is it easier to let some people in then others?
Why do we go 'round and 'round and 'round again?
Why is it that even though I feel like my body is exploding, I feel closer to my heavenly Father each passing day?
I don't expect you to know to answers. I just needed to see it in front of me.
The joy of the Lord is my strength.
Monday, March 31, 2008
frozen
Have you ever debated with six other people, all of them being on the opposing side? It is quite thrilling. I didn't think I had any debating skills, obviously I do, since I don't think that either side won or lost and I do not feel defeated being alone on my side.
--
I like hanging out with people that encourage me spiritually, and appreciate me and tell me that I'm awesome, even if I totally don't feel all that awesome sometimes. Laughing WITH people is joyous. I like sharing with people what's going on in my life with God.
--
I wonder what he wants from me...it's been at least 3 years...I only knew him for a week, but I spent almost all my waking hours with him, hanging out. I guess I didn't realize how much of an impact I had on him. I'm nothing short of amused and curious about why he's contacted me now.
I remember one time, I stepped out in a dress, with my hair done and he looked at me and just stared like he'd never seen a girl before and said "Wow...". I think it was the first time a boy openly showed he thought I was beautiful.
--
My mouth is frozen; the dentist and all things similar are the health story of my life.
--
Growing more in love every day.
--
I like hanging out with people that encourage me spiritually, and appreciate me and tell me that I'm awesome, even if I totally don't feel all that awesome sometimes. Laughing WITH people is joyous. I like sharing with people what's going on in my life with God.
--
I wonder what he wants from me...it's been at least 3 years...I only knew him for a week, but I spent almost all my waking hours with him, hanging out. I guess I didn't realize how much of an impact I had on him. I'm nothing short of amused and curious about why he's contacted me now.
I remember one time, I stepped out in a dress, with my hair done and he looked at me and just stared like he'd never seen a girl before and said "Wow...". I think it was the first time a boy openly showed he thought I was beautiful.
--
My mouth is frozen; the dentist and all things similar are the health story of my life.
--
Growing more in love every day.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
someone's and angels
A beautiful day. A breath of fresh air; despite the rain and snow blurring my vision.
I met some new people today. It's always wonderful to meet someone and talk to them and start getting to know them and they have no idea about your past, what you've done or not done, or how terrible you can be sometimes. It's like you're hiding, but not. Not intentionally, because of course as they ask questions about you, you answer them truthfully.
Driving home, angels pushed us back from the cement wall with the rain and snowing falling down all around, blurring our vision. Angels are beautiful.
Blurring my vision. Apparently it's a song. The line is now stuck in my head from when we talked about it. Blllurrrriiinngggggg my vision. I really wanted to type it like that, it looks better that way. It looks more like how I feel when I think about that statement.
Stay tuned.
Love has returned.
Oh! HB Brittni.:)
I met some new people today. It's always wonderful to meet someone and talk to them and start getting to know them and they have no idea about your past, what you've done or not done, or how terrible you can be sometimes. It's like you're hiding, but not. Not intentionally, because of course as they ask questions about you, you answer them truthfully.
Driving home, angels pushed us back from the cement wall with the rain and snowing falling down all around, blurring our vision. Angels are beautiful.
Blurring my vision. Apparently it's a song. The line is now stuck in my head from when we talked about it. Blllurrrriiinngggggg my vision. I really wanted to type it like that, it looks better that way. It looks more like how I feel when I think about that statement.
Stay tuned.
Love has returned.
Oh! HB Brittni.:)
Monday, March 24, 2008
on my heart's way
I'm here... back from my withdrawal from here for a week. A week that I needed to take to think a lot of things through. I'm on the track upwards now though. It's been incredible the last few days. God's shown his presence to me in such a big way. I've been falling in love with my Prince in such a real way. I'm giving my heart to God piece by piece. He's working through everything in my mind and heart and I really hope I don't fall back again. That's the great thing about God. He shows you something in your life that needs dealing with and he takes it apart, but He stays to help you put it back together.
--
Happy Belated Easter.
The tomb is empty.
He lives.
--
Happy Belated Easter.
The tomb is empty.
He lives.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
I woke up to something today. Something I needed to wake up to. Something I was half-conciously trying to realize but needed someone from the outside to help me. I can't tell you what it is, because it's painful and I can't talk about it right now. Next, I have to figure out what I'm going to do, because something needs to be done because I'm breaking to a certain point, oddly, weirdly, unexplainably. It drags on so many levels. I think I might be crying on the inside about this when I didn't think I was. This could be painful.
It all needs to be: right.
Will I have the courage to figure out what needs to be done?
I'm scared and my heart is bursting.
It all needs to be: right.
Will I have the courage to figure out what needs to be done?
I'm scared and my heart is bursting.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
still in absolute utter shock
I worked all week. I was tired. I had weird sickness. Yesterday I hung out with friends and we had a good weird time. But nothing, nothing beat what happened to me today.
I was surprised with tickets to see High School Musical: The Ice Tour.
Yeah. So my secret's out of the box, but whatever. If you have a problem with my love of HSM, I guess you'll have to deal with it.:P It doesn't hurt anyone, so we're good.
My employer, who is also my friend, got tickets for herself, her 7 year old daughter (whom I babysit), another mom, her 7 year old daughter (whom I also babysit) and myself for the 5 pm show Saturday March 15th 2008 at Copps Coliseum. This is how it happened...
I thought I was babysitting(AGAIN) and I was dissapointed 'cause I couldn't go to YP's, couldn't hang out with my friend I hadn't seen in a year again and I couldn't even go Irish dancing. So half heartedly I got my stuff together and went over. I walked in the door. and Tawni didn't come running and Jenna stood there in her hat, coat, and boats. Immediately, I thought...."what's going on?" Judy says to me "There's been a change in plans." I thought "Really? YES, maybe this means I can do something I want to!" She said "I have one kid, and we're going out......We're taking you to see High School Musical on Ice!!!!!" I KNOW I stood there dumbfounded and then heard myself saying " Me?" And then Judy said "YEAH YOU!" and then she and Jenna started jumping around and screaming and saying "are you surprised, are you surprised?" And then I said "I have to get different shoes." So I ran like crazy home to get different shoes and then the other mom and her daughter picked us up and we drove to Copps and parked in this really small parking lot, right across the street and we went in and just kinda took it all in for a minute and then we looked around at stuff you could buy and then we went and got our seats. Section 124. Row 20. Seat 9. (That was me.:D). And then a few minutes later the show started. OH MY GOODNESS! Okay. I like HSM and I love figure skating. Mix the two together and it's like DYNAMITE. lol. I loved it so much. Actually. It was so much fun. The surprise was great, the show was great, the company was great. I have to say, I didn't miss babysitting and making MORE money and I didn't miss much else either. Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo.:P Yeah. I bought a program that has pictures of all the stars of the ice show PLUS the stars of the actual movie. Mmmm. I'm on such a high right now, it's great. Judy said to me. "We couldn't let your March Break end without doing something exciting". Well, that certainly was exciting. *Sigh*. I love my employer. I'm pretty sure she's one of the best employer's ever.
On a serious note. It's interesting how you can be blessed so strongly through someone who acknowledges God exists, but doesn't love Him the way I do. God works in mysterious ways.
"We're all in this together!"
I was surprised with tickets to see High School Musical: The Ice Tour.
Yeah. So my secret's out of the box, but whatever. If you have a problem with my love of HSM, I guess you'll have to deal with it.:P It doesn't hurt anyone, so we're good.
My employer, who is also my friend, got tickets for herself, her 7 year old daughter (whom I babysit), another mom, her 7 year old daughter (whom I also babysit) and myself for the 5 pm show Saturday March 15th 2008 at Copps Coliseum. This is how it happened...
I thought I was babysitting(AGAIN) and I was dissapointed 'cause I couldn't go to YP's, couldn't hang out with my friend I hadn't seen in a year again and I couldn't even go Irish dancing. So half heartedly I got my stuff together and went over. I walked in the door. and Tawni didn't come running and Jenna stood there in her hat, coat, and boats. Immediately, I thought...."what's going on?" Judy says to me "There's been a change in plans." I thought "Really? YES, maybe this means I can do something I want to!" She said "I have one kid, and we're going out......We're taking you to see High School Musical on Ice!!!!!" I KNOW I stood there dumbfounded and then heard myself saying " Me?" And then Judy said "YEAH YOU!" and then she and Jenna started jumping around and screaming and saying "are you surprised, are you surprised?" And then I said "I have to get different shoes." So I ran like crazy home to get different shoes and then the other mom and her daughter picked us up and we drove to Copps and parked in this really small parking lot, right across the street and we went in and just kinda took it all in for a minute and then we looked around at stuff you could buy and then we went and got our seats. Section 124. Row 20. Seat 9. (That was me.:D). And then a few minutes later the show started. OH MY GOODNESS! Okay. I like HSM and I love figure skating. Mix the two together and it's like DYNAMITE. lol. I loved it so much. Actually. It was so much fun. The surprise was great, the show was great, the company was great. I have to say, I didn't miss babysitting and making MORE money and I didn't miss much else either. Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo.:P Yeah. I bought a program that has pictures of all the stars of the ice show PLUS the stars of the actual movie. Mmmm. I'm on such a high right now, it's great. Judy said to me. "We couldn't let your March Break end without doing something exciting". Well, that certainly was exciting. *Sigh*. I love my employer. I'm pretty sure she's one of the best employer's ever.
On a serious note. It's interesting how you can be blessed so strongly through someone who acknowledges God exists, but doesn't love Him the way I do. God works in mysterious ways.
"We're all in this together!"
Friday, March 14, 2008
seperation anxiety
My heart is whole, but seperated. Emotional highs can be annoying. I love when Jesus has my whole heart. Even still, that's kind of not always true. Someone always has a small grasp on it. Which, I don't really regret or anything. I know I'm supposed to give Him my whole heart, but it's rather satisfactory to think that people have a grasp on my heart. And if I really love them I can pour back into their lives. But...if they like me more, or love me more, (I'm not sure which) and I just thrive on that and dig it and entertain it, what does that make my heart? It makes me feel kind of awful afterwards. I never know how it actually is, or what I actually feel, because all the emotions are so mashed together and I'm just thriving on emotional highs. It feels so unrealistic and counterfeit later. Uggh. I wouldn't say I was leading...but I would admit with some guilt that I am encouraging. See, I don't even quite understand it. Hazy mess of emotional being. At least it's not my whole life.
He said to me "Rememeber to keep your stick on the ice" and I didn't know quite what to make of it, I just rolled it around in my mind and didn't understand. "I'll tell you when".
In other news. The happiness continues, although I am feeling quite ready to party it up later today with some of my bestest friends.
Some people I hopefully genuinely love.
He said to me "Rememeber to keep your stick on the ice" and I didn't know quite what to make of it, I just rolled it around in my mind and didn't understand. "I'll tell you when".
In other news. The happiness continues, although I am feeling quite ready to party it up later today with some of my bestest friends.
Some people I hopefully genuinely love.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
don't mind me
I'm so restless, and happy and hyper and full of anticipation. I recieved some more imformation packets on university/colleges today. I'm having a blast working this week, we're doing some cool things. Thursday or Friday I'm seeing a friend that I haven't seen in a year. So, I'm really pumped for that. I'm also just happy for reasons that I understand and reasons I don't understand. This trying to celebrate every day like it was something special is really amazing. Grr. I wish someone would come over and visit. I really want to do something, see someone I love who doesn't live here. There's a lot of people I'd like to see right now. If you haven't noticed my thoughts are really just strung together here. Oh well. Maybe I'll go work on that new song I'm currently writing/composing, or maybe I'll have a dance party. The possibilites. I'm currently thinking of music, heroism, tea, letters and my sister whose talking to me on MSN from the next room. If you're happy and you know it, blog about it. Maybe I'll come up with some inspiring thing to talk about and then I'll blog some more. A movie? Make some cookies?
I'd go for a I'm-hugging-you-because-I-feel-like-hugging-you hug right now. I'm so excited. Just get me outta here. Don't forget to laugh like there's no tomorrow. LOVEEEEEEEEE. YEAH BABY!
I'd go for a I'm-hugging-you-because-I-feel-like-hugging-you hug right now. I'm so excited. Just get me outta here. Don't forget to laugh like there's no tomorrow. LOVEEEEEEEEE. YEAH BABY!
Saturday, March 08, 2008
don't brush off the post below this one.
I looked at the date today and I furrowed my eyebrows because the date seemed firmiliar. It is. March 8th....2007. I went to see Phantom of the Opera on stage with two of my best friends. We talked about that it for days before; it was an epic experience. A year? Doesn't seem possible.
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