frozen

Have you ever debated with six other people, all of them being on the opposing side? It is quite thrilling. I didn't think I had any debating skills, obviously I do, since I don't think that either side won or lost and I do not feel defeated being alone on my side.
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I like hanging out with people that encourage me spiritually, and appreciate me and tell me that I'm awesome, even if I totally don't feel all that awesome sometimes. Laughing WITH people is joyous. I like sharing with people what's going on in my life with God.
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I wonder what he wants from me...it's been at least 3 years...I only knew him for a week, but I spent almost all my waking hours with him, hanging out. I guess I didn't realize how much of an impact I had on him. I'm nothing short of amused and curious about why he's contacted me now.

I remember one time, I stepped out in a dress, with my hair done and he looked at me and just stared like he'd never seen a girl before and said "Wow...". I think it was the first time a boy openly showed he thought I was beautiful.
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My mouth is frozen; the dentist and all things similar are the health story of my life.
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Growing more in love every day.

someone's and angels

A beautiful day. A breath of fresh air; despite the rain and snow blurring my vision.

I met some new people today. It's always wonderful to meet someone and talk to them and start getting to know them and they have no idea about your past, what you've done or not done, or how terrible you can be sometimes. It's like you're hiding, but not. Not intentionally, because of course as they ask questions about you, you answer them truthfully.

Driving home, angels pushed us back from the cement wall with the rain and snowing falling down all around, blurring our vision. Angels are beautiful.

Blurring my vision. Apparently it's a song. The line is now stuck in my head from when we talked about it. Blllurrrriiinngggggg my vision. I really wanted to type it like that, it looks better that way. It looks more like how I feel when I think about that statement.

Stay tuned.

Love has returned.

Oh! HB Brittni.:)

on my heart's way

I'm here... back from my withdrawal from here for a week. A week that I needed to take to think a lot of things through. I'm on the track upwards now though. It's been incredible the last few days. God's shown his presence to me in such a big way. I've been falling in love with my Prince in such a real way. I'm giving my heart to God piece by piece. He's working through everything in my mind and heart and I really hope I don't fall back again. That's the great thing about God. He shows you something in your life that needs dealing with and he takes it apart, but He stays to help you put it back together.

--

Happy Belated Easter.

The tomb is empty.
He lives.

I woke up to something today. Something I needed to wake up to. Something I was half-conciously trying to realize but needed someone from the outside to help me. I can't tell you what it is, because it's painful and I can't talk about it right now. Next, I have to figure out what I'm going to do, because something needs to be done because I'm breaking to a certain point, oddly, weirdly, unexplainably. It drags on so many levels. I think I might be crying on the inside about this when I didn't think I was. This could be painful.

It all needs to be: right.

Will I have the courage to figure out what needs to be done?
I'm scared and my heart is bursting.

still in absolute utter shock

I worked all week. I was tired. I had weird sickness. Yesterday I hung out with friends and we had a good weird time. But nothing, nothing beat what happened to me today.

I was surprised with tickets to see High School Musical: The Ice Tour.

Yeah. So my secret's out of the box, but whatever. If you have a problem with my love of HSM, I guess you'll have to deal with it.:P It doesn't hurt anyone, so we're good.

My employer, who is also my friend, got tickets for herself, her 7 year old daughter (whom I babysit), another mom, her 7 year old daughter (whom I also babysit) and myself for the 5 pm show Saturday March 15th 2008 at Copps Coliseum. This is how it happened...

I thought I was babysitting(AGAIN) and I was dissapointed 'cause I couldn't go to YP's, couldn't hang out with my friend I hadn't seen in a year again and I couldn't even go Irish dancing. So half heartedly I got my stuff together and went over. I walked in the door. and Tawni didn't come running and Jenna stood there in her hat, coat, and boats. Immediately, I thought...."what's going on?" Judy says to me "There's been a change in plans." I thought "Really? YES, maybe this means I can do something I want to!" She said "I have one kid, and we're going out......We're taking you to see High School Musical on Ice!!!!!" I KNOW I stood there dumbfounded and then heard myself saying " Me?" And then Judy said "YEAH YOU!" and then she and Jenna started jumping around and screaming and saying "are you surprised, are you surprised?" And then I said "I have to get different shoes." So I ran like crazy home to get different shoes and then the other mom and her daughter picked us up and we drove to Copps and parked in this really small parking lot, right across the street and we went in and just kinda took it all in for a minute and then we looked around at stuff you could buy and then we went and got our seats. Section 124. Row 20. Seat 9. (That was me.:D). And then a few minutes later the show started. OH MY GOODNESS! Okay. I like HSM and I love figure skating. Mix the two together and it's like DYNAMITE. lol. I loved it so much. Actually. It was so much fun. The surprise was great, the show was great, the company was great. I have to say, I didn't miss babysitting and making MORE money and I didn't miss much else either. Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo.:P Yeah. I bought a program that has pictures of all the stars of the ice show PLUS the stars of the actual movie. Mmmm. I'm on such a high right now, it's great. Judy said to me. "We couldn't let your March Break end without doing something exciting". Well, that certainly was exciting. *Sigh*. I love my employer. I'm pretty sure she's one of the best employer's ever.

On a serious note. It's interesting how you can be blessed so strongly through someone who acknowledges God exists, but doesn't love Him the way I do. God works in mysterious ways.

"We're all in this together!"

seperation anxiety

My heart is whole, but seperated. Emotional highs can be annoying. I love when Jesus has my whole heart. Even still, that's kind of not always true. Someone always has a small grasp on it. Which, I don't really regret or anything. I know I'm supposed to give Him my whole heart, but it's rather satisfactory to think that people have a grasp on my heart. And if I really love them I can pour back into their lives. But...if they like me more, or love me more, (I'm not sure which) and I just thrive on that and dig it and entertain it, what does that make my heart? It makes me feel kind of awful afterwards. I never know how it actually is, or what I actually feel, because all the emotions are so mashed together and I'm just thriving on emotional highs. It feels so unrealistic and counterfeit later. Uggh. I wouldn't say I was leading...but I would admit with some guilt that I am encouraging. See, I don't even quite understand it. Hazy mess of emotional being. At least it's not my whole life.

He said to me "Rememeber to keep your stick on the ice" and I didn't know quite what to make of it, I just rolled it around in my mind and didn't understand. "I'll tell you when".

In other news. The happiness continues, although I am feeling quite ready to party it up later today with some of my bestest friends.

Some people I hopefully genuinely love.

don't mind me

I'm so restless, and happy and hyper and full of anticipation. I recieved some more imformation packets on university/colleges today. I'm having a blast working this week, we're doing some cool things. Thursday or Friday I'm seeing a friend that I haven't seen in a year. So, I'm really pumped for that. I'm also just happy for reasons that I understand and reasons I don't understand. This trying to celebrate every day like it was something special is really amazing. Grr. I wish someone would come over and visit. I really want to do something, see someone I love who doesn't live here. There's a lot of people I'd like to see right now. If you haven't noticed my thoughts are really just strung together here. Oh well. Maybe I'll go work on that new song I'm currently writing/composing, or maybe I'll have a dance party. The possibilites. I'm currently thinking of music, heroism, tea, letters and my sister whose talking to me on MSN from the next room. If you're happy and you know it, blog about it. Maybe I'll come up with some inspiring thing to talk about and then I'll blog some more. A movie? Make some cookies?
I'd go for a I'm-hugging-you-because-I-feel-like-hugging-you hug right now. I'm so excited. Just get me outta here. Don't forget to laugh like there's no tomorrow. LOVEEEEEEEEE. YEAH BABY!

don't brush off the post below this one.

I looked at the date today and I furrowed my eyebrows because the date seemed firmiliar. It is. March 8th....2007. I went to see Phantom of the Opera on stage with two of my best friends. We talked about that it for days before; it was an epic experience. A year? Doesn't seem possible.

what you don't see of my life

It's snowing. Again. I'm in a happy, contemplative, sentimental mood right now. I worked 10 hours today and enjoyed almost every minute of it. Sometimes I wish my friends and family could see me at my job, without me knowing they were observing so I wouldn't put on any airs because I knew they were watching me. I work in a place where:

6 year olds style my hair.
"My handsome man" is 3 years old.
Donuts are the best treat in the world.
My dance moves are worth copying...
A goofy face makes a 5 year old laugh outright making me smile.
KETCHUP IS A FOOD GROUP!!!
New rules are invented for classic games to make it more....convenient.
TV is vital.
And....they think I'm one of the best people walking the planet.

You know how that makes me feel? Pretty much incredible. I don't do much and they love me to bits, count down the literal hours til I'm going to babysit them again. Tell their parents every day for a week before I'm coming to guess whose coming over in *x* days, hug me frequently and want to sit with me or wrap themselves around my legs while I try to walk. (An art, I am perfecting.:P) I love my job, and these days, I am actually loving it. Not just because I love children and I want to make some money. They're children created in the image of God with amazing personalities and talents and love to give and pining for encouragement, affirmation in return, and it is only my greatest honor to love them. I can't really even explain it. You have to be in it to understand it entirely I think. One of my baby girls is leaving next week....her mom has decided to saty home (good for her!) but my heart has cracked a little, because she's leaving. And I don't babysit her.....these children, they become such a big part of your life when you let them, or at least that's what's happened to me. I'm going to miss my Av'es like crazy. Sigh. I can't wait to be a mom..or maybe even before that (if this is the Lord's plan) running my own day care or working at a day care centre.


I have been so blessed through loving children. I have 8 families I babysit for. All referred by word of mouth from one mom (who is also my employer). Today I was told by a mom of a family I don't 'sit for often that I'm the only person who isn't family she would ever consider leaving her kids with. A few weeks ago I began 'sitting for a new family and I was the first babysitter (besides family) who had come. They interviewed me quite intensely (school, family, boyfriend etc.) and I went over for the third time this week and the youngest boy came running at me yelling my name when I walked in the door and his mom goes "someone loves you". Yeah, someone does love me. A lot of someone's mostly under the height of 4 feet. I am blessed indeed.

Oh yes, my name. I love this.

Kathleen.
KathAleen
KathELleen
Kafleen
Kafeen
Kafaleen
Kattleen
KaFThleen
KatTAleen
Kappy.
Her
She
You
*Points*


Yeah, there are probably more variations too. It has made me appreciate my name more, instead of just "owning" it.

I am professional at making:

Kraft Dinner
Grilled Cheese
Chicken Nuggets&Fries
Scrambled Eggs
Pasta W/ Sauce&Meatballs
Popcorn
Cookies

I am a certified milk pourer. This is absolutely neccessary in this position. Just ask Judy, I am pro at this. I can pour like 3 cups in 10 seconds.:P

I am trained in carrying on 3 conversations at one time. "You want some milk, what do you say?.....No, you can't have that till after you're done eating....COME AND SIT DOWN !"

I am an expert at changing diapers. Yes, indeed. The least favourite part. I can do it all!

I have record times in getting potty training children to the washroom.

I am fast, developing eyes in the back of my head. My own children better watch out.:P

I can have 6 kids fully dressed for the outdoors in their winter gear in a record of...15 minutes. Trust me , that's good.

My job is never too predictable. Never.
I love it.

because of believing

I think I need to celebrate every day like it was something special.
I'm in a pretty celebrative mood right now anyways, maybe that's why I thought of it.
It's a good idea.

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Friends, they cherish each other's hopes, they are kind to another's dreams.

I believe in that, hugely.

When people believe in you, it makes it so much more worth it.

Ahhh, love.

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Philippians 1:3.