Sunburned. 'Tis glorious. Skiing. I respect 'boarders, but my heart and my apparently good skills(the words of others) stay with skiing. See me do jumps and boxes; where Kathleen breaks out of the norm.
--
Last weekend was an absolutely-worth-repeating experience. The 24 Hour Film Competition. Read the full account on Keith's blog. It was so much fun, slightly stretching and definitely friendship strengthening. The beauty of friendship is that friendship is always necessary.
--
I think I'm going to have to sit some people down and explain my heart. And how it's being hurt and how maybe, just maybe, I'm starting to question again.
It's actually starting to bother me and I think deep in my heart, I hope, that if they really care about me then they would find a way to change how they say things and how they show their apparent love. Haha, yeah, it's always funny til you loose them in some way.
I try to be a good friend, but sometimes, what I get back makes me think I haven't been good enough and it hurts.
I never want to let anybody down, if I can help it.
On the other hand, I learn from it all. To watch myself and stick it out.
But still.
-
Prayer has become so much more crucial in my life these days, and I pretty much love it.
Praying about everything really. Apparently, it's still hard to wrap my mind around the fact that God wants to hear and know everything straight from my lips, even when He knows everything going on in my life anyways.
-
I want to do something totally different without changing too much.
-
Apparently, this is the end.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
if you know, you know. if you don't, maybe you should just wait
Being honestly, and truly appreciative of people is so much more than mere words. -It's a committment which can be absolutely joyous and rewarding, as I'm finding out.
Yet more reminders of the realness of God's perfect timing.
Halfway through.
Mmhm.
It was a good idea God.
Yet more reminders of the realness of God's perfect timing.
Halfway through.
Mmhm.
It was a good idea God.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
some call it the weekend
This weekend was really good. Really. Just skip Friday night and everything else was excellent.
My mom went on a retreat with the ladies from church so it was just me and Dad and Rachie at home. So Saturday we went to the Toronto International Auto Show and looked at cars, and sat in cars, and took picutres of cars (planning to put some on facebook) and were just around cars for 5.5 hours. Yeah, we're cool. I'd forgotten that car shows are ultimate good-looking guy locations. Yes, it was interesting people watching as well, to say the least.
So then when we got tired of automobiles- cars, vans, suv's, crossover's, moterbike's, the works, we went to the Eaton's Centre. That place is incredible, it's so massive. It always hits me how big it is when I stand in the middle of it and look up 4 floors. Yeah, I'd like to go one day and spend the whole day exploring it, not even for the shopping, but for the adventure.
Oh and then we went to Harvey's.:)
Sunday was pretty chill too. Church, which was the best service in ages. My youth pastor preached and he preached on fanning into flame the ember in your heart that is burning for God. So ultimately, making it bigger and growing closer to God and such. Pretty awesome, I gotta say.
(2 Timothy 1:3-6)
Then in the afternoon, my girl Mal came over and we chilled and talked and then we walked 3 km to Starbucks and got Chai Tea Lattes. It cleared my brain a lot. I like figuring stuff out, and understanding more of life.
Yeah, the latter part of last week was pretty chill too. Step-Up 2:The Streets has sweet dancing in it and cheese quesadilla is really good and so are adventures and snow and surprises, and getting shocked in good ways.
Keep prying at my heart God, I love you.
Into another week I go.
Love you all.
My mom went on a retreat with the ladies from church so it was just me and Dad and Rachie at home. So Saturday we went to the Toronto International Auto Show and looked at cars, and sat in cars, and took picutres of cars (planning to put some on facebook) and were just around cars for 5.5 hours. Yeah, we're cool. I'd forgotten that car shows are ultimate good-looking guy locations. Yes, it was interesting people watching as well, to say the least.
So then when we got tired of automobiles- cars, vans, suv's, crossover's, moterbike's, the works, we went to the Eaton's Centre. That place is incredible, it's so massive. It always hits me how big it is when I stand in the middle of it and look up 4 floors. Yeah, I'd like to go one day and spend the whole day exploring it, not even for the shopping, but for the adventure.
Oh and then we went to Harvey's.:)
Sunday was pretty chill too. Church, which was the best service in ages. My youth pastor preached and he preached on fanning into flame the ember in your heart that is burning for God. So ultimately, making it bigger and growing closer to God and such. Pretty awesome, I gotta say.
(2 Timothy 1:3-6)
Then in the afternoon, my girl Mal came over and we chilled and talked and then we walked 3 km to Starbucks and got Chai Tea Lattes. It cleared my brain a lot. I like figuring stuff out, and understanding more of life.
Yeah, the latter part of last week was pretty chill too. Step-Up 2:The Streets has sweet dancing in it and cheese quesadilla is really good and so are adventures and snow and surprises, and getting shocked in good ways.
Keep prying at my heart God, I love you.
Into another week I go.
Love you all.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
{don't} fight
If you could capture an emotion in a moment and save it, bubbly and perserved; I think that getting into things would be an easier process. If you fall, don't worry about how hard you fall or how far, enjoy it, don't fight yourself. Yes there will be consequences, but you'll work through them. Fighting yourself won't get you anywhere or give you anything. Working through it will help to keep you in step with yourself, but not just yourself, your true self. Don't fight your heart and open up your mind. And the battles you do face do not need to be battled alone. You don't go to battle by yourself, you get an army to surround you and stick with you all the way through. There's no need to fight yourself, or fight alone.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
confessions of the heart and mind
My heart feels fit to burst once in a while.
Gah. My heart breaks once in a while too.
--
'Tad jumbled these days. Not really sure what direction I'm really going in at any given moment. It's very curious and intensely frustrating at times, as well as joyful and laced with beautiful words that play over in my mind, again and again.
--
Sometimes my heart screams at me, and I don't want to listen.
Sometimes my heart whispers at me, and I listen too hard.
Sometimes my conscience runs me over and I don't pay attention.
Sometimes my conscience pulls me back, and I feel I've lost, but won.
Sometimes my smile betrays myself to me in the mirror.
Sometimes my smile is filled with more happiness than I can show.
Sometimes my feet run the opposite way to where they want to go.
Sometimes my feet run too fast and they end in places which I didn't think through first.
Sometimes my hands write things, I wish I meant with all my heart.
Sometimes my hands write things, I wish weren't so dead on true.
Sometimes God pulls me aside and points things out, I really need to fix.
Sometimes God confirms my walk by using someone, or some words.
Sometimes my life takes itself over, I loose sight of where my joy should come from.
Sometimes my life floats on wings of love and happiness, some true, some not.
I do not know where "sometimes" may lead.
God just reminds me to keep my head up high, love Him and love others deeply, genuinely. truly, without regret or compromise.
--
I may sound sad or as one dear friend calls it "depressed". No, not depressed. Not anymore. Depressed is serious, it takes over your life, folding it and twisting it and grabbing at it with its claw like invisable hands. It destroys and takes without apology. No not depressed. I'm just a lot more thoughtful these days. Realizing my "oldness". Discovering the possibilities of life and contemplating what I really need. I think A LOT. Us homeschooled kids, we spend a fair bit of time by ourselves.:P
--
I'll try to love you truly.
Gah. My heart breaks once in a while too.
--
'Tad jumbled these days. Not really sure what direction I'm really going in at any given moment. It's very curious and intensely frustrating at times, as well as joyful and laced with beautiful words that play over in my mind, again and again.
--
Sometimes my heart screams at me, and I don't want to listen.
Sometimes my heart whispers at me, and I listen too hard.
Sometimes my conscience runs me over and I don't pay attention.
Sometimes my conscience pulls me back, and I feel I've lost, but won.
Sometimes my smile betrays myself to me in the mirror.
Sometimes my smile is filled with more happiness than I can show.
Sometimes my feet run the opposite way to where they want to go.
Sometimes my feet run too fast and they end in places which I didn't think through first.
Sometimes my hands write things, I wish I meant with all my heart.
Sometimes my hands write things, I wish weren't so dead on true.
Sometimes God pulls me aside and points things out, I really need to fix.
Sometimes God confirms my walk by using someone, or some words.
Sometimes my life takes itself over, I loose sight of where my joy should come from.
Sometimes my life floats on wings of love and happiness, some true, some not.
I do not know where "sometimes" may lead.
God just reminds me to keep my head up high, love Him and love others deeply, genuinely. truly, without regret or compromise.
--
I may sound sad or as one dear friend calls it "depressed". No, not depressed. Not anymore. Depressed is serious, it takes over your life, folding it and twisting it and grabbing at it with its claw like invisable hands. It destroys and takes without apology. No not depressed. I'm just a lot more thoughtful these days. Realizing my "oldness". Discovering the possibilities of life and contemplating what I really need. I think A LOT. Us homeschooled kids, we spend a fair bit of time by ourselves.:P
--
I'll try to love you truly.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
what I learned in 29 hours
Some of it, is hard to put into words. Like, how different I feel when I'm with my friends from "over there". I feel all warm inside and excited and loved and like they really are happy I'm standing there in front of them having a conversation. It's like...I can't really explain. And I don't want other people who aren't in "that world" to feel down on the job or anything....there's just something about those people. Sometimes, I wish I belonged all the time.
--
I judge people. A lot.
I'm kicking myself really hard for it.
"Therefore, let us stop passing judgement on one another."- Romans 14: 13a
--
Doing Bible Study on Sunday after church was really cool. The way we did it too. It was so incredible to reflect over it by myself before I joined others to discuss it.
--
I need to pray more. The Bible says to pray for everything. Yeah, everything.
--
If you smash your head on the trunk of an SUV, it will hurt a lot, give you a headache. garner you some sympathy (:D)...and leave a bump that will still hurt a couple of days later.
--
You can have a meaningful conversation in 8 minutes as well as see how well new tires work.
--
You can just be yourself and let yourself get hyper and everything and still be loved.
--
Boys will come over to "your" house for pie, not you.
--
I really like that God lets us...or makes us, learn new things all the time.
The Lord is the strength of his people, a fortress of salvation for his annointed one."- Psalm 28:8
--
I judge people. A lot.
I'm kicking myself really hard for it.
"Therefore, let us stop passing judgement on one another."- Romans 14: 13a
--
Doing Bible Study on Sunday after church was really cool. The way we did it too. It was so incredible to reflect over it by myself before I joined others to discuss it.
--
I need to pray more. The Bible says to pray for everything. Yeah, everything.
--
If you smash your head on the trunk of an SUV, it will hurt a lot, give you a headache. garner you some sympathy (:D)...and leave a bump that will still hurt a couple of days later.
--
You can have a meaningful conversation in 8 minutes as well as see how well new tires work.
--
You can just be yourself and let yourself get hyper and everything and still be loved.
--
Boys will come over to "your" house for pie, not you.
--
I really like that God lets us...or makes us, learn new things all the time.
The Lord is the strength of his people, a fortress of salvation for his annointed one."- Psalm 28:8
Friday, February 01, 2008
Thursday, January 31, 2008
you know?
You know when you want something, but you can't have it?
Or you want something but you're not sure exactly what it is?
Or you can't make up your mind?
Or when you're in a good mood but all restless and stressed out inside?
Or when you just can't concentrate?
Yeah, I know.
--
I can't sleep.
There's just so many decisions to make and things to think about all the time now.
I'm just going to do something.
How can I do it?
It's not even legal.
I don't think.
Okay, I'm rambling.
Forgive me.
The End.
PS. I'm okay, really.
Or you want something but you're not sure exactly what it is?
Or you can't make up your mind?
Or when you're in a good mood but all restless and stressed out inside?
Or when you just can't concentrate?
Yeah, I know.
--
I can't sleep.
There's just so many decisions to make and things to think about all the time now.
I'm just going to do something.
How can I do it?
It's not even legal.
I don't think.
Okay, I'm rambling.
Forgive me.
The End.
PS. I'm okay, really.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Keith
No, the title is not metaphorical. It does not have hidden meaning, it isn't a word to describe something other than the first "thing"...uhm person... that comes to mind. It is exactly how you read it, not a might different.
I wasn't going to do this when I first thought of it, because you know, I might get complaints of being really personal, or misunderstanding or maybe even people who get really big heads because if it..cough...
I think I've done this once before for another person and it was incredible fun to do and write about that person. I find it incredibly pleasureable to write about how much I like other people. I love to brag about others, I really do. It's like I want to the world to know how amazing the people I have in my life are. And I also don't feel so guilty bragging about other people.
Now, I don't think I'm going to brag right now...it's more like I'm going to make statements that if you care to contradict, I won't accept it.
First I must set the scene. Most of you know this person, if you don't I'm extremely sorry, (actually not, it's too bad you don't, really...)but you can stop reading if you care to, but I sense that you are probably hooked by what I have to say now and even if you didn't know this guy existed til this moment, you'll probably keep reading.
Excellent. I don't think I need a disclaimer...I'm pretty sure I'm safe..ish. lol.
Finally onto the main content of this post. (I'm really enjoying this lead-up by the way.)
Friday evening, I, with my parents and sister accompanied Keith and his parents downtown Toronto to the Entertainment District to the NFB (National Fim Board) Building to watch the screening of Panic In A Box.
Let's just say I didn't think about what I was doing until I was walking into the building and we had to pass a security guard and Keith goes up to the desk and is all like "I'm Keith Brink, director of Panic In A Box" and the guy is like "up the stairs, you're tickets are waiting". And I just stopped for a moment and thought to myself, what am I doing? I'm just blindly following Keith around? Okay, so I knew where I was going, but I didn't know WHERE I was going. and I knew what I was going to, but I didn't know WHAT I was going to, you know? And then I thought, wow, I guess I trust him a lot. I can always tell I trust someone when I go through something like that. Like around 5 minutes before "whatever" happens, I suddenly come up short and am like ,wait a second....what am I doing? And then it kinda just hits me and I shrug and go oh well, this is fun and adventurous, because I love adventures. So that aside I can move on.
We go up these extremely narrow stairs and pass by a lot of incredible photographs, it reminded me of Brittni. And we walk up to this little unofficial desk and Keith does his speech again. (You know, the "I'm Keith Brink....") and so he get's his 2 tickets. and then the rest of us get our tickets and we stand around and look at photographs and Keith is being really cute and funny and looking slightly anxious, but extremely excited. And then we decide to go in the theater. So we walk in and immediately we're like, uhmmm, okay, this won't really work. There was maybe twenty rows of eight chairs across and they were almost all full, save for a couple here and there. So then Keith in his official director state and everything goes to get more chairs and it turns out Mr and Mrs. Brink sit in the back row. My parents sit in the third row and Rachie, Keith and I sit in the front row. Yes, the front. Slightly daunting, but at least Mr.Keith Brink, director of Panic In A Box could not be missed easily.
The format was, watch 4 shorts, then the moderator, Micheal Kennnedy ( a director with a fairly large accomplisment list) got up and led the audience in a commentary which was recorded. Then we watched 5 more shorts (which Panic In A Box was a part of) and we did the commentary thing over again. Let's just say PIAB was up against some pretty high budget films...one even being sponsered by the National Film Board! But here's the thing...people loved Panic In A Box. After it was shown during the wait time between films there was this buzz that wasn't there at other times at all. And Keith received some excellent comments from the audience as well as Mr. Kennedy. As I sat there beside him listening to these people, and him responding to questions, like "how old are you?" I realized how dang proud of Keith I was...and am and looking at him I was seeing him differently, not just as one of my best friends who I do crazy stuff with and be jerkish sometimes, but this guy who has crazy potential for things beyond anything I can imagine, considering I don't know a lot in that field. Like one guy said, "If he's dong what he's doing now, he has a lot of potential to improve and do amazing things in film." (or something along those lines). It's true.
So yes, that's my bragging for the time being. I love being proud of people.
And now... Keith, thanks for being my friend and for caring and loving me and admitting sometimes you're a jerk....and not leaving. Go do amazing things.
(If that's too mushy for any of you, get over it. Now.)
Isn't this perfect too? Today is 2 years since I met Keith and reconnected with Kathleen. We certainly know how to pack the time don't we? I love you.
In fact, I love you.
I'll figure some part of life out one day.:P
PS. Fineeeee, a disclaimer, since my conscience is pricked: Nobody shoot me, please.:P
I wasn't going to do this when I first thought of it, because you know, I might get complaints of being really personal, or misunderstanding or maybe even people who get really big heads because if it..cough...
I think I've done this once before for another person and it was incredible fun to do and write about that person. I find it incredibly pleasureable to write about how much I like other people. I love to brag about others, I really do. It's like I want to the world to know how amazing the people I have in my life are. And I also don't feel so guilty bragging about other people.
Now, I don't think I'm going to brag right now...it's more like I'm going to make statements that if you care to contradict, I won't accept it.
First I must set the scene. Most of you know this person, if you don't I'm extremely sorry, (actually not, it's too bad you don't, really...)but you can stop reading if you care to, but I sense that you are probably hooked by what I have to say now and even if you didn't know this guy existed til this moment, you'll probably keep reading.
Excellent. I don't think I need a disclaimer...I'm pretty sure I'm safe..ish. lol.
Finally onto the main content of this post. (I'm really enjoying this lead-up by the way.)
Friday evening, I, with my parents and sister accompanied Keith and his parents downtown Toronto to the Entertainment District to the NFB (National Fim Board) Building to watch the screening of Panic In A Box.
Let's just say I didn't think about what I was doing until I was walking into the building and we had to pass a security guard and Keith goes up to the desk and is all like "I'm Keith Brink, director of Panic In A Box" and the guy is like "up the stairs, you're tickets are waiting". And I just stopped for a moment and thought to myself, what am I doing? I'm just blindly following Keith around? Okay, so I knew where I was going, but I didn't know WHERE I was going. and I knew what I was going to, but I didn't know WHAT I was going to, you know? And then I thought, wow, I guess I trust him a lot. I can always tell I trust someone when I go through something like that. Like around 5 minutes before "whatever" happens, I suddenly come up short and am like ,wait a second....what am I doing? And then it kinda just hits me and I shrug and go oh well, this is fun and adventurous, because I love adventures. So that aside I can move on.
We go up these extremely narrow stairs and pass by a lot of incredible photographs, it reminded me of Brittni. And we walk up to this little unofficial desk and Keith does his speech again. (You know, the "I'm Keith Brink....") and so he get's his 2 tickets. and then the rest of us get our tickets and we stand around and look at photographs and Keith is being really cute and funny and looking slightly anxious, but extremely excited. And then we decide to go in the theater. So we walk in and immediately we're like, uhmmm, okay, this won't really work. There was maybe twenty rows of eight chairs across and they were almost all full, save for a couple here and there. So then Keith in his official director state and everything goes to get more chairs and it turns out Mr and Mrs. Brink sit in the back row. My parents sit in the third row and Rachie, Keith and I sit in the front row. Yes, the front. Slightly daunting, but at least Mr.Keith Brink, director of Panic In A Box could not be missed easily.
The format was, watch 4 shorts, then the moderator, Micheal Kennnedy ( a director with a fairly large accomplisment list) got up and led the audience in a commentary which was recorded. Then we watched 5 more shorts (which Panic In A Box was a part of) and we did the commentary thing over again. Let's just say PIAB was up against some pretty high budget films...one even being sponsered by the National Film Board! But here's the thing...people loved Panic In A Box. After it was shown during the wait time between films there was this buzz that wasn't there at other times at all. And Keith received some excellent comments from the audience as well as Mr. Kennedy. As I sat there beside him listening to these people, and him responding to questions, like "how old are you?" I realized how dang proud of Keith I was...and am and looking at him I was seeing him differently, not just as one of my best friends who I do crazy stuff with and be jerkish sometimes, but this guy who has crazy potential for things beyond anything I can imagine, considering I don't know a lot in that field. Like one guy said, "If he's dong what he's doing now, he has a lot of potential to improve and do amazing things in film." (or something along those lines). It's true.
So yes, that's my bragging for the time being. I love being proud of people.
And now... Keith, thanks for being my friend and for caring and loving me and admitting sometimes you're a jerk....and not leaving. Go do amazing things.
(If that's too mushy for any of you, get over it. Now.)
Isn't this perfect too? Today is 2 years since I met Keith and reconnected with Kathleen. We certainly know how to pack the time don't we? I love you.
In fact, I love you.
I'll figure some part of life out one day.:P
PS. Fineeeee, a disclaimer, since my conscience is pricked: Nobody shoot me, please.:P
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