Wearing just a t-shirt and jeans I ran across a soccer field, small hands grasping mine. The sun beat down and warmed my whole being. Laughter echoed all around me, birds twittered and the breeze gently whipped my hair against my face. We reached the end of the field and swung ourselves around the soccer goal post. It felt so good to just be out in the open with no layers of clothing or fear or regret burdening me. We ran to the side of the field to the bench which is there for soccer teams. Both little girls wanted to walk across it so one fearlessly leapt up and practically ran along it. The other looked at me and said “No me do it without you Kathaleen!” Holding her hand, I guided her along the bench to the other side. When we reached the end I picked her up and whirled around congratulating her on her success. She decided she wanted to do it again, so she ran back to the other end and crawled up on the bench. “No me do it, need help!”. I said “You try it by yourself! I know you can do it” Hesitantly she pulled herself up into a standing position and walked slowly toward me. Within the last 4 feet she beamed and threw herself straight into my waiting arms. “Me do it Kathaleen! Me do it!” “I hugged her and congratulated her again before she squirmed out of my arms and decided she wanted to do it again. About ten more times did she get back up on the bench and walk across it, each time with less fear than the time before. Each time did she throw herself into my arms declaring herself a success, which indeed she was. Then we left the bench and ran back across the field to the playground with the sun beating down on us, warming me through filling me with hope, joy and an insurmountable sense of beauty.
Out of this true story a lesson I have been in the process of figuring out became concrete in my mind.
We say we can’t do it (life) alone, which is true. As long as there’s a hand holding ours walking beside us, we’re fine. We can survive. But as soon as the comforting grasp beside us is more distant or steps away we freak out declaring we cannot take another step without it. God guides us a little further and then says “try it on your own, I’m still here waiting a little ways down the “bench” for you to throw yourself into my arms.” So we try it and it works…as long as we know He’s still there. The more we walk “the bench” the more fearlessly we can walk it. Does this decrease our need for God to be standing further along, waiting for us? No! We might need Him more than we thought we needed Him before. Now that we’re walking faster, falling will hurt more, physically and emotionally. We’ve grown so accustomed to walking this way that we turn a blind eye to the fact there are some "rocks" that have appeared on “the bench”. We’ve lost some perspective on the way we’re going, what we’re doing and saying and who we are as a person…and we’ve forgotten the hand waiting for us to hold onto; we walk or run right past it. So we fall and we hurt ourselves and we cry out for God to come and get us so He helps us back onto the bench and we take a few hesitant steps while we try to clear the air and set everything back on track, abandoning ourselves again to His grasp. --Then we say those words 'No me do it!" and do the same thing all over again. Aren't we brilliant? We have an incredible heavenly Father.
I had blood work and another test done today. I will receive results in a minimum of two weeks.
“Thy will be done”.
Go, run through the sunshine, and enjoy it! :)
No comments:
Post a Comment