falling into somewhere

Grey skies, colourful walls, silence and music. Cold,warmth, coziness and hostility. Shivers run down my spine and I just want to fall, fall very far, but not very hard. I want to fall, so I land on softness and more happiness. I want to lie there and drink in kind words and beauty. I want to imagine eyes staring into my soul and hearts united in unrequited love. I want to see people change for the better. Give when I could get, Laugh, when I could cry. Cry because it's incredible. I want to lie there and dream of houses full of light where everyone is welcome and there is peace and harmony. Oh to know the things I long to know truly, but to discern the things that are hateful gossip. To be in a place where lips curve into smiles, where hands are held, not possesively but with compassion and kindness. A place where a kiss on the cheek was not taken for something much different then how it was intended, simply a gesture of love and appreciation. To fall, far down into this place and then realize I never want to go back to how life actually is. I feel full of something, and I don't know what. I feel it and it cannot be defined, I look at people and I feel it, and I look at my computer screen and I feel it. Ellusive, yet lovely and begging to be known. I feel so far away, yet right close to where I want to be. Colour and light and dullness and dark. How I long to be, how I long to see. Empty to full. Gentleness. Eyes sparkling, a new reality. Is it possible to love so much, you are not loving anymore? Oh, I think not, there is just more. I want to love with real love, not selfish and worn. Not just pretty words written upon a page or flowers standing in a vase, I want to value them for who they are, actually and completely, not some made up illusion. Non-assuming and strong. Oh to know how to love the way love is meant to be shown. Only Jesus knows how love really is. Falling, smiling, into softness, lying there and laughing and thinking and praying and knowing. I could just go on and on and on because there is more, but for now this is the end.