Whirly Gig

First of all I have some happy birthday's in order.


March 25th -Brittni--Happy Belated 16th Birthday.
March 30th- Katie-- Happy 16th Birthday TODAY.

I appologize to Brittni for the lateness of my publicly proclaimed happy birthday, but I know she loves me so she'll be okay with it.

I love both these girls so much. They are amazing people who are trying to pursue and live for God in every aspect of their lives. I really respect them and think they are two of the most beautiful girls I know. "Knock 'em dead" . I'm so glad you're my friends. Enjoy those books now.:P<3


---

So life is a whirly gig on high speed.
Hmmm.

My dad in hospital for surgery all week, my mom's down there with him.
I have to run house, do my own chores/jobs, work, babysit, prepare for things. Oh and did I forget SCHOOL?

I don't think I'm complaining.
I'm just kind of in overload.

There's also that other situation....
*Sigh*
Takes a lot out of me.
Too much.
My time, my energy, my mind, my emotions.

Friends, Pets, Moms, Brothers, Loves and Drugs are a good thing.
How much more can you be, eh?:P

---

I am looking forward to tomorrow.
Going to Niagara Falls with my aunt.
Yay springgg!!
Yay springgg clothes!!
Yay shoppinggg!!

Keep pressing on.

Coming Back

Our lives march on, at rapid paces. I glimpse you as you run past my window, running off somewhere. I'm surrounded by books and papers and all I would really like is for you to come by and talk to me and take my mind off everything else. But you're running off. Running away.
I sit back and slowly lean back in my chair. I know you miss me, it's all in the way you look at me as you pass me by. We don't talk much anymore. Too much to do, other people to see. I really do think though that you still want to see me. You wish life wasn't so busy so you could take the time to talk. Shaking myself, I press on with my life. Wishing and waiting for you to stop by. Even though I seem consumed with my duties, I'm silently crying out to you to say come see me. Then one day, a little while later, my doorbell rings and I answer the door and there you are standing on my dootstep, your eyes plead with me to let you in, or should I say let you back in to my life and my home. Your applogize and we stand there, for one awkward moment and then you're hugging me and whirling me around and then we sit down and begin to catch up with each other. And you sitting there is all that I need to tell me that I wasn't so wrong. You really did miss me, and you really do love me. It's just that it's hard for you to find the exact words to tell me it's true.

Picturessss [from last night]

Love.

K3.

Oh yes.

We're just that awesome.

Because we are.

[The Phantom of the Opera]

I will replay last night a thousand times in my head.

I will stare at beautiful pictures for hours.

I will remember it as incredible.

I have never seen anything like it.

I felt beautiful.

My two best friends in the whole wide world were with me.

And we were going to see The Phantom of the Opera.

I will remember for a long time.

Breathtaking Sets and Scenery.

Exquisite Costumes.

Gorgeous Theatre.

There is nothing I could really say to describe last night in the way it actually was.

Impossible.

I love you two so much.

Good times last night, treasured forever.

....if we sat in...BOX SEATS!

Memories.

Together.

Now

New look.
Excitement for things happening.
Seeing beautiful.
Struggling, but perservering.
Trying to love.
Figuring it out.

This song. This story.

I love this song.
*Captivated*
It has encouraged me to look up, not down.

"Your laughter it echoes like a joyous thunder."


"Your whisper it warms me like a summer breeze".

"Stay strong" he said.
"Sometimes I feel like I'm crumpling" she said.
"I know" he said.
"Then I remember you, holding my hand" she said.
"That's good, because I'm not letting go" he said.

"Captivated by you, may my life be one unbroken gaze, fixed upon the beauty of your face."


She ran down the path, fighting back tears. Coming to an open field she threw herself down in the tall grass and began pounding the ground with her fists. Her body shook with sobs, as she bagan to shout out loud. She shouted up to the clear blue sky. She shouted across the field. This was a dream, it wasn't happening. In yet it was....


"No other, could ever be as beautiful as You."


He watched her, wishing he could console her, but a father can only do so much. He knew she needed space, and time. His heart broke for her, for all that she was dealing with. He began to cry quietly. Not a manly cry, but weeping for the sakeof his beloved daughter. He wanted to run out across the field after her and hold her in his arms, but he knew the time wasn't right....


"No other could ever steal my heart away."


She lay there in the grass crying, slowly the sobs subsided and she rolled over and stared at that clear blue sky. This was the same field, that he got down on his knees took her hands in his, told her he loved her and asked her out. Eleven months later, he showed up at her house and told her he didn't love her anymore. He told her he had found a new girl....

"Your anger is fiercer than the sun in it's splendor"

He knew he could have stopped it. The day she came flying home, bursting with the news that she now had a boyfriend. He could have put his foot down and said no, he could have stopped it all. But no, he hadn't and now as he sat watching her, he felt more guilty than he had ever felt before. He had let his little girl down....

"Try as I may, I cannot look away."

This had led her to the field. She could hate him, she could hate the field, she could hate her life, if she chose to. The tears came again. This time more quietly. They slipped out her eyes and down her cheeks. It had been heaven on earth. He had been wonderful. She hadn't imagined that, but it had only been at that time. It was now gone....

"Beholding is becoming so as you fill my gaze..."


How could he have done that, how could he have let his beloved daughter get to this place. He pounded the ground beside him. Angry with himself for failing to be a good father. All of a sudden he heard her voice coming across to him on the breeze. "Dad....Dad...Oh I wish you knew...I wish I could talk to you." His heart leapt in his throat....


"I become more like you and my heart is changed"

She wished with all her might that her dad was there, he loved her so much. She knew that. He would help her, but he was at home, he had no idea. Still in her desperation, she softly began to call for him, than louder and louder, til she was shouting, and then screaming for him. The tears poured out of her eyes, and she felt empty and alone....


"Transform me into the likeness of you"

He jumped up off the ground and began to run across the field toward his fallen daughter. His tears continued to flow freely as he ran. And then he saw her look up, he saw her catch sight of him, he saw her fix her eyes on him and then he watched as she pulled herself to her feet and stumbled toward him. They met mid way....

"This is what I ask for all my days.'

She looked back up to the sky and gazed off across the field and then she saw him. She saw her father running toward her. Was this another dream? No it wasn't. This time she didn't want it to be a dream. She awkwardly pulled herself and up and stumbled across the field toward him. As they met he caught her in his arms and held her....

"That I may never look away."

He held her tightly, listening to her sobs. "I'm here my girl, I'm here." She clung to him. "Dad..."
"I know" he said "I know". He sat down on the ground with his sixteen year old daughter cradled in his arms and just sat there rocking her. Slowly her sobs began to become quieter until they were just hiccups. "I love you" he whispered....

"Captivated by You."

She clung to him. "I love you" he whispered. "I love you too" she whispered back. "How did you know?" Hesitantly he began to speak. "I heard you in the kitchen, I heard what he said, then I saw him leave and you run, so I ran after you." Thank you" she offered a weak smile. Looking across the field he spoke again: "I let you down daughter...."

'I am captivated by You"

"I didn't watch out for you, I didn't help protect your heart. I let that boy take it and throw it carelessly on the ground and trample upon it and I am so sorry." "Dad, what are you talking about? It was my choice!" "Yes, but I let it happen, and as your father, I am supposed to protect you from all plans of the enemy to steal, to kill and to destory...."

"I just can't look away."

"Fortunately you have a heavenly Father looking out for you who prompted me into action long ago, but I couldn't be bothered and therefore I was almost too late." "Dad, you're here and you knew and I can't believe it." "Daughter, will you forgive me for failing you?" She looked up into his sad yet hopeful eyes. "Yes Dad, you are forgiven...."

"I just can't look away."

They hugged long and hard. "Well, shall we go home?" he asked her. "Yes I think we shall."
They got up off the ground began their way back over the field home.

"No other, could ever be as beautiful as You."

The End.

Fallingggg

If I fell and hit the ground, would I be alone?
Something tells me, I wouldn't be alone lying on the cold, damp ground.
If I had the ability to sit up and look around I would see many other people.
People I know and love, people I pass on the street without a second glance.
The things that go on in a person's life, are quite often hidden away.
I don't know that she is dealing with a close friend's betrayal. I don't know that he is making the difficult decision to leave his girlfriend. I don't know that all she wants in life is for her parents to love her. I don't know that he is hiding his addiction away. I don't know that she struggles with self-worth. I don't know that he fails to live up to what life demands of him. I don't know.
They don't know that I am falling too.
We hide away from each other.
All we show the world, are our plastic smiles, and plastic happiness.
We fail to realize that we are not that different from each other, and deep inside all we want is for someone to truely know us.
We sit there facing each other on the cold, damp ground, staring at each other, surprised that the other is there. It's because I didn't know. It's because you didn't know. It's because we didn't take the time, and now is it too late?

It's Early In the Morning

It's 12:41 am.
Saturday February 17th 2007.
I'm just sitting here, coming down from my high of tonight.
Suites and Sweets.
It was amazing, in every way, shape and form.
Friends...*sigh*
"This Our Love.....irreplacable..."
I should post that song.

Getting along with someone is more than just laughing and having a good time.
It goes deep, way beyond comprehension.
It's looking at that person and being able to decipher their current mood or feelings accurately. (And vice versa)
It's looking at that person and knowing there is someone who does understand you.
It's looking at that person and communicating a thousand words, in one glance.
It's looking at that person and knowing without having to ask, that you are loved.

Not a common thing.
It's unique.

I'm not saying that you don't get along with someone if you can't do all that, or that doesn't all happen.
I wouldn't get along with anyone if I had to follow that criteria.
Sorry, not nobody, just very few!


Well I'm kind of tired here.
More good memories to treasure.

Good morning all...teehee.

Love

--Kathleen

Yesterday...

Re-juiced, Re-junvinated. Re-focused.
Yesterday, was the best day I've had in weeks.
First of all I was with my best friend.
Second of all we went shopping for almost 4 hours.
Third of all we went to a pretty awesome concert last night.

J'adore shopping.
And I like going for extended periods of time.
None of this, run in, get what you want and run out.
You never know what will be there.
For you to find, for you to fall in love with, for you to decide, for you to stand in line at the cash, for you to open your wallet and remove money, for you to pay, for you to then walk away with a plastic bag that you should recycle one day in your hand, for you to enjoy the satisfying feeling of having bought something, for you to look at some of the other poor people in the mall and wonder why they couldn't be more like you and buy something, so they too can have the satisfaction of... consummerism.
I enjoy it.
Not every day, mind you.
Or even every week.
But once in a while shopping-with-a-friend-therapy becomes neccessary.


We went to "With Love Comes Hope" last night at Hamilton Place.
When I woke up on Saturday morning, I had no idea that in 12 hours I'd be at Hamilton Place in the First Balcony in Row N, in seat 142.
No idea.
But I'm glad I ended up there.
It wasn't exactly what we had expected.
But that's okay.
It was a lot of local Christian talent playing and singing and acting to the glory of God.
The interperative dances were inspiring to me.
That's when I felt the Holy Spirit.
Especially on the first one, when the troop danced to "Testify to Love" by Avalon which is a song that I love.
I felt the rush of God presence when this worship leader from a church in Missisauga got up with his rock band and played some awesome worship songs.
Esspecially the last one.
"It's all God's children singing, Glory, Glory, Hallelujah, He reigns, He reigns...."
Oh yeah.
And in between all of that, there were a variety of acts all performed to the Glory of God.

Alright, so I've blogged about number 2 and number 3. But not number 1.
The best is last.
My best friend.
Kathleen.
Oh how I love you.
Oh the memories that were created yesterday.
I'll store them away in my box and place it on a shelf to open when I'm feeling beaten down.
And though those moments number many, I have friends and I have God.
What more could I ask?

Peace.
Love.
Hope.
Joy.

--Kathleen

You Just Don't Realize It

You really dont realize things until other things happen.
That was vauge.
You dont really realize what somebody means to you until something bad happens.
And then sometimes its too late.
They're gone or they're hurt.
But sometimes, there is time to realize.
And then you realize that, even if they dont play a big part in your life.
That's only what you thought.
And they actually play a bigger part then you think they do.
And it hits you.
From out of no where it seems.
NO WHERE.
Then everything they mean to you comes pouring into your mind.
Your good times, and your inside jokes.
All things work together for good for those who follow Christ (Romans 8:28)
Believe it.

Trust.
What a gift.
I have so many people's gift of trust.
It almost scares me.

Things just falling into perfect place.

Like WOW.

Just falling into grace.
Falling into faithfulness.
Falling into love.

Being there for someone.
Great feeling.

Having people there for you.
Amazing feeling.

Not grappling or grasping for something concrete.
It's there in front of me.
Looking for me.

Yep.

'Cause that's the way it is.

[Find your wings]

Yep.

--Kathleen