frayed ends

As old over -written chapters close and brand new unknown chapters open, there is fear and sadness, accompanied with some joy.

I knew they needed me; I need them. We're fighting the current and feeling the effects of the undertow. "For such a time as this".

Please, be serious, you're losing me in that maze of yours; seriously.

love is patient

Here I am once again at the end of another week of camp. A very different week of camp. After pulling 15 hour days, growing more in awe of my Savior and learning lots, I am full of His presence in my life. I had the the priviledge and great frustration of leading seven, mostly eight year old's, along with my co-counsellor who was also a CIT. Fortunately we hit it off and are now great friends. We bumped along figuring it out as we went. It was an incredible week. I met some truly amazing people. also serving as counsellor's. I was inspired by them, encouraged by them and I came away from the week with many new friends, praticularly one. It's amazing when you go somewhere and all around is the goodness of the Lord. You're in this little box full of blessings. Devotions, chapel, singing all the time, conversations on worship, the Holy Spirit and more, CPD's (Cabin pack devotions) and encouragement. I rather wish "real" life was like that; full of God all the time. It's our choice.
Our King came to serve us, not to be served.

These verses were a part of my experience:

I had a part of this verse in my head all week and I didn't have time to sit down and figure out where it was until I got home. The part I had in my head is in bold.

"Therefore put on the full armour of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything , to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place."--Ephesians 6: 13, 14.

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves, is born of God and knows God" -1 John 4:7

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." -Galatians 5: 22, 23

"...Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead... -Philippians 3: 13b

"Finally brothers (and sisters), whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. Whatever you have learned or recieved or heard from me, or seen in me-put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you"- Philippians 4:8,9.

I have sad news weighing on my heart, but that's for next time, I really want to revel in the blessings.

I've been moving in a new direction

For what it's worth, your life can change in a week. You can find freedom.

Braeside (Camp) was an insanely wonderful experience. It was stretching, and at times very tiring, but, such good times. It kind of threw me back to when I was 7 and attending a different church in Hamilton. A lot of the people at the camp are from my old church. I actually reconnected with a girl I was in Sunday school with eleven years ago! It makes you remember who you were, and who you are now.

He made me think that he's amazing; which he is.

Something's going on...

into dusk

An urban campground can still give you the distinct impression of being 100 kilometers away from your home. I pumped my way to the sky as the sun disspeared below the horizon. The chains hurt my palms I was grasping them so hard. I threw back my head, closed my eyes and just breathed. There were no other requirements, I could just -be. And enjoy the moment. I've always had the opinion that dusk is a moment worth reveling in.

--
I enjoyed having the entire house all to myself for 2.5 days. I really did.
--
that's quite a show...

not me and me

I went to the Region head office. I was fairly friendly, taken for 22 years of age, had the "priviledge" to speak to Elvis, was as helpful as possible, and filmed Canada's Handyman- Shawn Monteith, while he did a 45 minute demo/talk. Yeah, me. (:P)
A long day, but totally worth the experience. I'm getting used to 30 and 40 something year olds looking at me with disdain. Though, it doesn't bother me much...'cause there's a few more from the same age group that think I'm the best thing ever. It's a very different kind of love. Yeah, actually they love me so much they took me out to dinner. I feel like I'm becoming part of the family and I love it. This is actually the same family that I babysat for last weekend. Oh, and just to clarify...I associate with them through the daycare, babysitting, volunteering and random other things....it's really only church that's left....hmm.

Here I am, getting reaquainted with me, and people I haven't really considered for a long time.

when you're changing on the the inside and you don't even really know how...

oh, to let go.

I have this fabulous opportunity on Friday to go to the Halton Region head office and go to a bunch of meetings and meet people in high positions with big ego's as well as represent youth and celebrate senior's. I'm going. Slightly intimadating, but also exciting. Goodness, I'm priviledged.

Maybe I'll run for Miss Burlington...

don't rain on my parade

Oh joy, oh fun, oh freedom, oh responsibility, oh respect...oh acceptence.


I was engaged to go downtown Burlington to Spencer Smith Park for the Sound of Music Festival to babysit the past president of the festival's girls, Friday night and alllll day Saturday. Well, let me tell you it was some of the most fun I've had in a longgggg time. I got VIP access to the sponser tent, Free carnival tickets, free food- which was catered by my favourite restaurant in the world, plus the rest of my food was paid for, I was paid, anddddd a dream that was born, was fulfilled less than an hour after it was born....I got to go in the parade. Chya!! I was on the back of a golf cart at the back of the parade with all these important people and got to wave at hundreds of people lining the streets. Prettyyyy incredible. At first I was like "what the heck?" and then I got into the swing of it, and loved every second. Being a babysitter definately has it's benefits, and I'm not even joking. The best part? When the children love you back, so much so, they want to hold your hand all the time, no matter if their parents are there...or not. It is such an awesome priviledge. I'm so in love with my job. My passion is confirmed. Ahhh...this feeling rocks my world. I just wish you could understand, 'cause I'd gladly share my deep joy.

Excuse me, I have to go get ready to go to a 6 year old's soccer game...

a tiara for a crown

Okay, it's not all very clear to me at all.

Sarah is rather alright; she has a minor concussion and they have to watch her closely for the next couple days to make sure she's on the right track. I just want to hold her and kiss her.

I've entered a new chapter. I like it and I don't, and I think it might get lonely later on. The world looks to you because you're 17 and you're still young, but at an age you can do so much. They expect you to do a lot. Yesterday I recieved another birthday card and on the front this is what it said :
"You know when you were a little kid and wanted to grow up to be something special?" (Flip the card open) "You did." I can't be here. I'm NOT done growing up, I can't be. "Kafaleen, 17 is so old", a little girl says to me. I said "No, it's not old, I'm still a kid, really. Officially for one more year." If I'm supposed to be an 'adult' in one year, I have a lot to do. A lot. There will be laughter and there will be tears; moving at the speed of light. I miss...

it's all very clear to me

I'm 17. Seventeen. Brittni's right, it is a pretty word.
I adore my friends from the very bottom of my heart. I'm so blessed, I can't even begin.
My birthday was wonderful. Shopping, food, dancing and friends- what more do you need?

I have a lot of decisions to make in the coming year, it's going to be fun and exhilerating as well as daunting. I'm trying to have faith. I have a lot of questions too, about tons of different things. I guess it's good though, it means I'm not staying in one place. Too bad some questions can't just be answered straight out. Hmmhm. I also want a lot. Some things I could have tomorrow...other things will take time, but that's alright, it's beautiful -very beautiful.

I guess not everything lasts...today was a bad day. Ha. Yeah. I was super tired from partying til late last night and then I experienced something that just sucked all my emotional energy as well. As most of you know I work at a daycare which is basically my passion of life. I mean it was my birthday yesterday and I got the day off and I was just bouncing around the house and I really missed work and "my kiddies" and so I called my employer...who is more my friend then my employer and I went over for half an hour. Haha. Yeah, call me weird, I don't mind. So today I was officially working and we were outside getting ready to go to the park and one of little girls got a head start on the rest of us and I called her back, so she turned and came back. Well on her way she tripped and fell and slammed her head into the sidewalk. Well, you know what comes next. Tears and screaming. I'm pretty immune now. So we got her some ice and she settled down and we went to the park. I put her in the swing 'cause she loves it and was pushing it along with a couple other kiddie's and suddenly I realized she had fallen asleep... And warning bells went off in my head. So I took her out and sat with her on the bench and talked to her and sang to her and jiggled her and she was not responding very well and she just wanted to sleep on my shoulder and the noise of the park was bothering her. And when I asked if her head hurt, she just nodded and lay her head back down. By then I was kind of freaking out inside, so we quickly got the the rest of them together and rushed home and tried to call her parents, no answer. And she wasn't perking up, very lathargic, and she wouldn't talk to us, which is the complete opposite to the Sarah that usually rushes around with a smile on her face talking a mile a minute. So after a few minutes it was decided that I would take her over to her dad's work which happens to be a 3 munute walk from the day care. It also happens to be where I volunteer at BINGO every Monday, so I know it very well. So I walked over with her in my arms, singing all the way 'cause I totally didn't want her to fall asleep. By that point I was going into a critical state of concern, and I felt like I was in an different universe. Like the kind where you have a limited amount of time to solve the problem or get somewhere, you know? I got to Creekway and went in and dealt with the very snobby receptionist. Then I rused upstairs by way of the elevator. I delivered her to her dad and she still wasn't talking and all she wanted was to cuddle. So a nurse came in and checked her out and they made the decision to take her to the ER to have her checked out. So Sarah's dad called her mom and then we went and got in the van and I gave her a juice box which she took pretty well to fortunately. He dropped me off at the daycare and then I went inside and had to make lunch and look after the rest of the kiddie's. This afternoon I also had the after-school shift so I went back and all Judy knew was that they were still in the ER and Sarah's sister had been picked up from school by Nanny. So, at this point, I have no idea what's going on, whether it's a concussion or hairline fracture or anything and I'm just very very drained and tired, and I can't concentrate on anything and I have to do an emergency babysitting job tonight, and I just want to crawl into bed and sleep. I'm so worried about my little sweetheart.

I probably didn't need to blog this, but I'm really wound up drained, if that makes sense.

I had a really sweet birthday though. Almost everything: from the cards to the amazing cake my friend made to the laughter and hugs, it was joyous.

This is life-all over the place. Haha.

Much love.