it's all very clear to me

I'm 17. Seventeen. Brittni's right, it is a pretty word.
I adore my friends from the very bottom of my heart. I'm so blessed, I can't even begin.
My birthday was wonderful. Shopping, food, dancing and friends- what more do you need?

I have a lot of decisions to make in the coming year, it's going to be fun and exhilerating as well as daunting. I'm trying to have faith. I have a lot of questions too, about tons of different things. I guess it's good though, it means I'm not staying in one place. Too bad some questions can't just be answered straight out. Hmmhm. I also want a lot. Some things I could have tomorrow...other things will take time, but that's alright, it's beautiful -very beautiful.

I guess not everything lasts...today was a bad day. Ha. Yeah. I was super tired from partying til late last night and then I experienced something that just sucked all my emotional energy as well. As most of you know I work at a daycare which is basically my passion of life. I mean it was my birthday yesterday and I got the day off and I was just bouncing around the house and I really missed work and "my kiddies" and so I called my employer...who is more my friend then my employer and I went over for half an hour. Haha. Yeah, call me weird, I don't mind. So today I was officially working and we were outside getting ready to go to the park and one of little girls got a head start on the rest of us and I called her back, so she turned and came back. Well on her way she tripped and fell and slammed her head into the sidewalk. Well, you know what comes next. Tears and screaming. I'm pretty immune now. So we got her some ice and she settled down and we went to the park. I put her in the swing 'cause she loves it and was pushing it along with a couple other kiddie's and suddenly I realized she had fallen asleep... And warning bells went off in my head. So I took her out and sat with her on the bench and talked to her and sang to her and jiggled her and she was not responding very well and she just wanted to sleep on my shoulder and the noise of the park was bothering her. And when I asked if her head hurt, she just nodded and lay her head back down. By then I was kind of freaking out inside, so we quickly got the the rest of them together and rushed home and tried to call her parents, no answer. And she wasn't perking up, very lathargic, and she wouldn't talk to us, which is the complete opposite to the Sarah that usually rushes around with a smile on her face talking a mile a minute. So after a few minutes it was decided that I would take her over to her dad's work which happens to be a 3 munute walk from the day care. It also happens to be where I volunteer at BINGO every Monday, so I know it very well. So I walked over with her in my arms, singing all the way 'cause I totally didn't want her to fall asleep. By that point I was going into a critical state of concern, and I felt like I was in an different universe. Like the kind where you have a limited amount of time to solve the problem or get somewhere, you know? I got to Creekway and went in and dealt with the very snobby receptionist. Then I rused upstairs by way of the elevator. I delivered her to her dad and she still wasn't talking and all she wanted was to cuddle. So a nurse came in and checked her out and they made the decision to take her to the ER to have her checked out. So Sarah's dad called her mom and then we went and got in the van and I gave her a juice box which she took pretty well to fortunately. He dropped me off at the daycare and then I went inside and had to make lunch and look after the rest of the kiddie's. This afternoon I also had the after-school shift so I went back and all Judy knew was that they were still in the ER and Sarah's sister had been picked up from school by Nanny. So, at this point, I have no idea what's going on, whether it's a concussion or hairline fracture or anything and I'm just very very drained and tired, and I can't concentrate on anything and I have to do an emergency babysitting job tonight, and I just want to crawl into bed and sleep. I'm so worried about my little sweetheart.

I probably didn't need to blog this, but I'm really wound up drained, if that makes sense.

I had a really sweet birthday though. Almost everything: from the cards to the amazing cake my friend made to the laughter and hugs, it was joyous.

This is life-all over the place. Haha.

Much love.