what you don't see of my life

It's snowing. Again. I'm in a happy, contemplative, sentimental mood right now. I worked 10 hours today and enjoyed almost every minute of it. Sometimes I wish my friends and family could see me at my job, without me knowing they were observing so I wouldn't put on any airs because I knew they were watching me. I work in a place where:

6 year olds style my hair.
"My handsome man" is 3 years old.
Donuts are the best treat in the world.
My dance moves are worth copying...
A goofy face makes a 5 year old laugh outright making me smile.
KETCHUP IS A FOOD GROUP!!!
New rules are invented for classic games to make it more....convenient.
TV is vital.
And....they think I'm one of the best people walking the planet.

You know how that makes me feel? Pretty much incredible. I don't do much and they love me to bits, count down the literal hours til I'm going to babysit them again. Tell their parents every day for a week before I'm coming to guess whose coming over in *x* days, hug me frequently and want to sit with me or wrap themselves around my legs while I try to walk. (An art, I am perfecting.:P) I love my job, and these days, I am actually loving it. Not just because I love children and I want to make some money. They're children created in the image of God with amazing personalities and talents and love to give and pining for encouragement, affirmation in return, and it is only my greatest honor to love them. I can't really even explain it. You have to be in it to understand it entirely I think. One of my baby girls is leaving next week....her mom has decided to saty home (good for her!) but my heart has cracked a little, because she's leaving. And I don't babysit her.....these children, they become such a big part of your life when you let them, or at least that's what's happened to me. I'm going to miss my Av'es like crazy. Sigh. I can't wait to be a mom..or maybe even before that (if this is the Lord's plan) running my own day care or working at a day care centre.


I have been so blessed through loving children. I have 8 families I babysit for. All referred by word of mouth from one mom (who is also my employer). Today I was told by a mom of a family I don't 'sit for often that I'm the only person who isn't family she would ever consider leaving her kids with. A few weeks ago I began 'sitting for a new family and I was the first babysitter (besides family) who had come. They interviewed me quite intensely (school, family, boyfriend etc.) and I went over for the third time this week and the youngest boy came running at me yelling my name when I walked in the door and his mom goes "someone loves you". Yeah, someone does love me. A lot of someone's mostly under the height of 4 feet. I am blessed indeed.

Oh yes, my name. I love this.

Kathleen.
KathAleen
KathELleen
Kafleen
Kafeen
Kafaleen
Kattleen
KaFThleen
KatTAleen
Kappy.
Her
She
You
*Points*


Yeah, there are probably more variations too. It has made me appreciate my name more, instead of just "owning" it.

I am professional at making:

Kraft Dinner
Grilled Cheese
Chicken Nuggets&Fries
Scrambled Eggs
Pasta W/ Sauce&Meatballs
Popcorn
Cookies

I am a certified milk pourer. This is absolutely neccessary in this position. Just ask Judy, I am pro at this. I can pour like 3 cups in 10 seconds.:P

I am trained in carrying on 3 conversations at one time. "You want some milk, what do you say?.....No, you can't have that till after you're done eating....COME AND SIT DOWN !"

I am an expert at changing diapers. Yes, indeed. The least favourite part. I can do it all!

I have record times in getting potty training children to the washroom.

I am fast, developing eyes in the back of my head. My own children better watch out.:P

I can have 6 kids fully dressed for the outdoors in their winter gear in a record of...15 minutes. Trust me , that's good.

My job is never too predictable. Never.
I love it.

because of believing

I think I need to celebrate every day like it was something special.
I'm in a pretty celebrative mood right now anyways, maybe that's why I thought of it.
It's a good idea.

--

Friends, they cherish each other's hopes, they are kind to another's dreams.

I believe in that, hugely.

When people believe in you, it makes it so much more worth it.

Ahhh, love.

--

Philippians 1:3.

apparently

Sunburned. 'Tis glorious. Skiing. I respect 'boarders, but my heart and my apparently good skills(the words of others) stay with skiing. See me do jumps and boxes; where Kathleen breaks out of the norm.
--
Last weekend was an absolutely-worth-repeating experience. The 24 Hour Film Competition. Read the full account on Keith's blog. It was so much fun, slightly stretching and definitely friendship strengthening. The beauty of friendship is that friendship is always necessary.
--
I think I'm going to have to sit some people down and explain my heart. And how it's being hurt and how maybe, just maybe, I'm starting to question again.
It's actually starting to bother me and I think deep in my heart, I hope, that if they really care about me then they would find a way to change how they say things and how they show their apparent love. Haha, yeah, it's always funny til you loose them in some way.

I try to be a good friend, but sometimes, what I get back makes me think I haven't been good enough and it hurts.

I never want to let anybody down, if I can help it.

On the other hand, I learn from it all. To watch myself and stick it out.

But still.
-
Prayer has become so much more crucial in my life these days, and I pretty much love it.
Praying about everything really. Apparently, it's still hard to wrap my mind around the fact that God wants to hear and know everything straight from my lips, even when He knows everything going on in my life anyways.
-
I want to do something totally different without changing too much.
-
Apparently, this is the end.

if you know, you know. if you don't, maybe you should just wait

Being honestly, and truly appreciative of people is so much more than mere words. -It's a committment which can be absolutely joyous and rewarding, as I'm finding out.

Yet more reminders of the realness of God's perfect timing.

Halfway through.

Mmhm.

It was a good idea God.

some call it the weekend

This weekend was really good. Really. Just skip Friday night and everything else was excellent.

My mom went on a retreat with the ladies from church so it was just me and Dad and Rachie at home. So Saturday we went to the Toronto International Auto Show and looked at cars, and sat in cars, and took picutres of cars (planning to put some on facebook) and were just around cars for 5.5 hours. Yeah, we're cool. I'd forgotten that car shows are ultimate good-looking guy locations. Yes, it was interesting people watching as well, to say the least.

So then when we got tired of automobiles- cars, vans, suv's, crossover's, moterbike's, the works, we went to the Eaton's Centre. That place is incredible, it's so massive. It always hits me how big it is when I stand in the middle of it and look up 4 floors. Yeah, I'd like to go one day and spend the whole day exploring it, not even for the shopping, but for the adventure.

Oh and then we went to Harvey's.:)

Sunday was pretty chill too. Church, which was the best service in ages. My youth pastor preached and he preached on fanning into flame the ember in your heart that is burning for God. So ultimately, making it bigger and growing closer to God and such. Pretty awesome, I gotta say.
(2 Timothy 1:3-6)

Then in the afternoon, my girl Mal came over and we chilled and talked and then we walked 3 km to Starbucks and got Chai Tea Lattes. It cleared my brain a lot. I like figuring stuff out, and understanding more of life.

Yeah, the latter part of last week was pretty chill too. Step-Up 2:The Streets has sweet dancing in it and cheese quesadilla is really good and so are adventures and snow and surprises, and getting shocked in good ways.

Keep prying at my heart God, I love you.

Into another week I go.

Love you all.

{don't} fight

If you could capture an emotion in a moment and save it, bubbly and perserved; I think that getting into things would be an easier process. If you fall, don't worry about how hard you fall or how far, enjoy it, don't fight yourself. Yes there will be consequences, but you'll work through them. Fighting yourself won't get you anywhere or give you anything. Working through it will help to keep you in step with yourself, but not just yourself, your true self. Don't fight your heart and open up your mind. And the battles you do face do not need to be battled alone. You don't go to battle by yourself, you get an army to surround you and stick with you all the way through. There's no need to fight yourself, or fight alone.

confessions of the heart and mind

My heart feels fit to burst once in a while.
Gah. My heart breaks once in a while too.

--

'Tad jumbled these days. Not really sure what direction I'm really going in at any given moment. It's very curious and intensely frustrating at times, as well as joyful and laced with beautiful words that play over in my mind, again and again.

--

Sometimes my heart screams at me, and I don't want to listen.
Sometimes my heart whispers at me, and I listen too hard.

Sometimes my conscience runs me over and I don't pay attention.
Sometimes my conscience pulls me back, and I feel I've lost, but won.

Sometimes my smile betrays myself to me in the mirror.
Sometimes my smile is filled with more happiness than I can show.

Sometimes my feet run the opposite way to where they want to go.
Sometimes my feet run too fast and they end in places which I didn't think through first.

Sometimes my hands write things, I wish I meant with all my heart.
Sometimes my hands write things, I wish weren't so dead on true.

Sometimes God pulls me aside and points things out, I really need to fix.
Sometimes God confirms my walk by using someone, or some words.

Sometimes my life takes itself over, I loose sight of where my joy should come from.
Sometimes my life floats on wings of love and happiness, some true, some not.

I do not know where "sometimes" may lead.
God just reminds me to keep my head up high, love Him and love others deeply, genuinely. truly, without regret or compromise.

--

I may sound sad or as one dear friend calls it "depressed". No, not depressed. Not anymore. Depressed is serious, it takes over your life, folding it and twisting it and grabbing at it with its claw like invisable hands. It destroys and takes without apology. No not depressed. I'm just a lot more thoughtful these days. Realizing my "oldness". Discovering the possibilities of life and contemplating what I really need. I think A LOT. Us homeschooled kids, we spend a fair bit of time by ourselves.:P

--

I'll try to love you truly.

...and then you learn stuff you didn't see coming, but you rather hoped for.

what I learned in 29 hours

Some of it, is hard to put into words. Like, how different I feel when I'm with my friends from "over there". I feel all warm inside and excited and loved and like they really are happy I'm standing there in front of them having a conversation. It's like...I can't really explain. And I don't want other people who aren't in "that world" to feel down on the job or anything....there's just something about those people. Sometimes, I wish I belonged all the time.

--

I judge people. A lot.
I'm kicking myself really hard for it.

"Therefore, let us stop passing judgement on one another."- Romans 14: 13a

--

Doing Bible Study on Sunday after church was really cool. The way we did it too. It was so incredible to reflect over it by myself before I joined others to discuss it.

--

I need to pray more. The Bible says to pray for everything. Yeah, everything.

--

If you smash your head on the trunk of an SUV, it will hurt a lot, give you a headache. garner you some sympathy (:D)...and leave a bump that will still hurt a couple of days later.

--

You can have a meaningful conversation in 8 minutes as well as see how well new tires work.

--

You can just be yourself and let yourself get hyper and everything and still be loved.

--

Boys will come over to "your" house for pie, not you.

--

I really like that God lets us...or makes us, learn new things all the time.

The Lord is the strength of his people, a fortress of salvation for his annointed one."- Psalm 28:8

It amuses me greatly when life is ironic.

I really can't wait till this weekend.