clinging on

Oh boy, this is all very crazy.
Never say it can't happen to you, or anyone close to you (well, I suppose within reason).


In other news: March 4 Life in Ottawa in 2 days for 2 days.

what the people don't know

Breakin' at the cracks here.
There
is
just
so
much
BLAH.

I'm told I have to be strong. I feel I can't
Then there's that verse...
"For when I am weak, then I am strong..."
I have to stand on that.
I have to...

AGH.

it's all inside

I kinda feel used up and nothingness. Yeah, that's what part of me feels right now: nothingness. It's better that way because otherwise that fragile part of me may crumble.
Am I always going to be this kind of person, and girl? I mean, this is me talking (kinda to myself)....but maybe "me" needs to get a little overhaul? Me is in different place.
I'm a little bit tired. I don't know what to think; more nothingness.
Interactions don't help, neither do confrontations.

It would be great to overcome.
Really great.
I'm tired of fighting myself, but the fight's not won yet.

There's this painful spot in my heart.
It's all on the inside.

real

Keeping it real can be difficult.
Being honest is difficult most of the time.
People who strife for both honesty and "realness", inspire me.

I am so glad I have friends that are willing to be straight up with me.

I have some things I need to do and people I need to talk to.
I am inspired.
I am also weird.
(Just throwing that out there...)

God help me, everyday.

easter reflection

Easter is about redemption, hope, grace, hunility, unconditional love and selflessness.
Easter is a time to reflect on the cross and realize again how wonderful it really was and is.
Easter was and is, a defining moment.


Recently I've learned the true meaning of having someone watch my back, take care of me and defend me at whatever cost.

I learned it in a earthly situation and from a human perspective but it reminded me of my Heavenly Father who watches my back and takes care of me and will defend me, has defended me and His Son who did defend me to the grave.

And I know that my Redeemer lives.

Brock, here I come!

Today I accepted my offer of admission to Brock University: B.A. Child&Youth Studies ( Honours) Primary/Junior Concurrent B.Ed.
(How's that for a long program title? :P)
5 years.
Estimated graduation date: May 2015.
Age: 23 (!?!?)

Long way away? Probably not, even though it kind of feels like it.

They only accept maximum 80 students into this program every year. I'm 1 of them. Aren't I glad now that I cared about school all the way through? Even if I highly dislike science and don't really love math. It's paying off.

Now, I just need to figure out where I'm going to live next year with one of my best friends (who is already at Brock).

Oh, and I need to finish this school year and graduate highschool.
This is going to be quite the ride, these next 6 months.
But, I'm held by the Creator of the Universe who designed my life, so I'm probably going to be ok in the long run.

I'm still good

Life has gone as much back to normal as it could. But, there's not a lot of excitement and for that reason (I assume) I am rather odd. Well, we already knew that but I feel...nearly invisable!?!?! How can one feel invisable? Well...I think it depends on where you and who you talk to but I kind of feel like I'm in my own world right now and even though people are trying to relate and be kind etc they just can't reach me. WEIRD. Also, the invisability comes in with the fact that I have arrived at the point of absolute frustration over individuals being a part of my life and suddenly with no concrete or seemingly logical reason, POOF, they're gone. Also, I must admit my ego has taken a bit of a blow recently...

Ah, well, I'm still good. I am quite enjoying my Challenge&Change (APS) class. It helps when the teacher makes the subject (which I already quite like with no one teaching me), so much better!
There's also Easter in a week and a half to look forward to and all that that entails.
No,I'm not great, but I am still good and I have a thousand+ reasons to be thankful for right here, right now.

after the curtains have closed

4 days, 8 shows, 6 hour nights.... the Sound of Music was a smashing success to say the least. I had the added rush of being cast as a semi main character 3 days before the curtain opened. 5 of 8 shows I had the priviledge of playing Sister Sophia. Therefore I was able to sing the song "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria" with the other main nuns...and my dream of being in a musical and singing a solo came true. I finally got my musical and I went through each show charged by the audience. Yep, this girl loves a stage.

Now, post drama....I really don't like this time period. No matter how hard I try to avoid the after play blues, it always gets me. Plus I have to try to catch up in all my classes after missing 5 days in class.

2 more days till March break....already...

I am so ready for it.

living for the stage

These days go by so fast and take so much energy, but this feeling isn't completely foreign.
This week I will make my debut in the Sound of Music on stage playing a variety of characters, which happens to be, I believe, one of my specialties.

This time there is no falling in love with donkey's or weird psychologically wacked movie stars or emotional mail order brides who refuses to kiss their best guy friend who happens to be playing the husband or self-centered flirtatious radio actresses who finger tip toe around. No. This time, there is a "pious" nun, a lighthearted partygoer who learned to waltz properly and a stage hogging flamboyant girl who can't even help it. OH, and there's singing.

This will be the 5th time I get up on stage during my highschool career and act to an audience. I look back and realize just how far I've come in my dramatic arts career and all the wonderfully off-kilter characters I have had the intense priviledge to play. It is indeed wonder-full.

Part of me lives for the stage. Yes. I know it very well.
If I didn't have to worry about building a life and posisbly a career and I had all the money I needed, I would go into theatre arts in university. While that may not be a reality, I will certainly take all these experiences, techiniques and moments and use them through out any career I may have with children. Who knows, maybe the threatre won't be able to keep me away. Maybe, you'll find me storming the theatre and standing centre stage yet again.

crunch time!

The Sound of Music rapidly approaches and it seems that right now, it is my life. Well, besides school. I love it and dislike and am thoroughly exhausted by it all at the same time.

What an experience. I suppose I should savour these last 2 weeks of play practice mayhem because after it's over it willl never be duplicated.

Thank God for days off when I can recharge.