to leave with a clear conscience

Whatever you do or say in service or encouragement to another must be done in sincerity, from the heart, otherwise you are a poser with a nice face.

Ouch.

so most of us know who Katy Perry is...but who is Katy Hudson?

Alright, so I stumbled upon this on a christian website tonight. (No I was not researching Katy Perry!) You know that girl that apparently likes getting drunk and kissing girls? Well 7 years ago on October 23rd 2001, at age 16, she released her first album- into the Christian market, under the name "Katy Hudson". (Her birth name). It was self-titled. She wrote most of the lyrics for the album herself and she was forseen as the next big thing. Little did the Christian music industry critics know she would be the next big thing...in 7 years time, at the very top of the "secular" music charts. As her second single from "One of the Boys" climbs higher you wonder what she's thinking these days. She blames it on her "strict" parents who wouldn't let her listen to "secular" music as a child. Her first introduction to "secular" music was a sleepover with some girlfriends. She says that back then (in 2001) when she made the album she was a good girl and then got tired of it all and by 2004 she was rocking to a different beat. (not precisely her words). Her dad is apparently a pastor and neither him nor his wife really support he latest endeavours. So, out of curiosity I googled "Katy Hudson" and what I found both surprised and saddened me. Not going to lie, I kind of like Katy's voice and to hear her singing some pretty decent "christian" material is pretty cool and weird at the same time...'cause it's the same voice that sings "I kissed a girl and I liked it...". Some of her "Christian" lyrics are worth thinking over. It's traditionally typical Christian, with no content to complain about. I suppose this is a good example of someone who has been two people. The crazy thing is...she's known Him, and that knowledge has got to be in the depths of her heart somewhere and therefore I'm not looking at Katy Perry the same anymore. I do not support her current career path, but she could go running back to the One who she sang so confidently about 7 years ago. It's more than possible.

I've pasted lyrics from her song "Faith Won't Fail" below. (Ironic really.)


VERSE 1 You could throw me in the fire And I won't be burned For my faith is Your desire And Your love endures You could throw me in the prison cell Shackle me up against the rail But time and time again My faith won't fail CHORUS For He'll prevail In the midst of all my trials and tribulations And He'll prevail In the midst of all my sin and temptations He'll prevail When I fall and He will pick me up For time and time again my faith won't fail Time and time again my faith won't fail VERSE 2 You could cast me in the lion's den But they won't harm me For Your grace surrounds me And it sets me free And I can walk upon the water And I will not drown For my eyes are set upon You And no one can bring me down BRIDGE For His angels surround me And You've poured out this blood covering And I will walk and not fail For time and time again my faith won't fail Time and time again my faith won't fail


PS. This article was written strictly by me and all information and content was taken from various websites. My goal is not to "dis" Katy (Perry), but rather write about a shocking sort of situation and show how we can and will change. Also for interest and surprises sake. Because really...did you know Kary Perry used to be someone else?

Dear Mal...

Everytime I think that maybe our friendship is dying, something happens that brings us back together yet again. It's like a new day dawning. Nearly ten years since I met you and we've been through pretty much all. You never give up on me, and I never give up on you. Even when the only place we both show up together is church on Sunday mornings. I still feel like I could trust you with the world. You wrote me a letter this week and confirmed it. With us it's give and take. One's strong to help the other, even if on the inside the "strong" one isn't so strong. Then we show up in the places the other didn't expect it, like last night for instance, 66 kilometers from where I normally see you, I saw you in line and it made my night. You know some of what goes on inside my mind, and I know some off what goes on with you and that doesn't mean we run away, it actually means we build a little more trust. We both write, in different ways, but mostly get it. It's like breathing alone with help along the way. I know this is public, but I wanted you to know. I also wanted others to see how blessed I am, even if they don't know you. As you pray for me, I pray for you. Keep your own head up girl, you can conquor all. Thank you for your ever present support, the offer of your listening ear, shoulder and own experience with life. If I never said it ever, you rock. From the days of being 7 years old to now the days of being 17 (or almost!!) what's important in our lives has changed but that doesn't mean you're less important to me. Nope, actually, more. We don't like all the same things. I don't even text. (yet:P). You go to school, and I do school at home. You work at a store and I work at a daycare. We live in cities next door to each other. Compared to you I'm boy crazy....and really I'm not that bad. You love movies, and I'm just getting into them. Size doesn't matter, and that's cool. Here's you and there's me, but it really just doesn't matter. We have enough similarities to keep life interesting. Like trying to figure out what to do with our lives and seeking God and what He wants and what is this deal anyways? And shopping...our mutual love of life, including shoes. We should do that again sometime soon I think. Thanks Mal, for being there, for the long haul. Thanks for writing poetry and making me think. Thanks for sharing life. I am quite sure this is not the end.

Love, Kathleen

PS. I really like your hair right now.
PPS. I hope you're okay that I said this all out loud.

classical music is never out of style

Internalizing information is like coffee filtering in the early morning. It takes time.
I wonder if if I'm shutting myself away or if I'm actually handling it really well.
These days, shafts of hope spill through my window and life actually seems remotely alive.
I don't want to be ingenuine (that's not a word, but I'm using it).

I've been thinking quietly the last few days.

He'll never see me go to university or college and maybe get a degree and he'll never see me get married or have any great-grand children, and I suddenly realized I really wanted him to be there through it all.
He was always so supportive.
He loved when I played the piano and sang and wrote songs and most of all loved when I played classical music.
He loved how whenever we had big family gatherings I'd be the one getting drinks, serving and entertaining. I was the "hostess with the mostess".
He loved how determined I was about things and how people meant so much to me.

I really don't know what else to say. I'm extremely restless. Till later...

you gotta know...

My friends rock my life.
In every season.

he's gone

...walking the streets that are golden as of 10:15am on 10/15/08.

I'm rather breaking.
I need somebody's shoulder.
I need...I have no idea.

despite

1:02am. Ugh. These days I'm wide awake at night thinking and working and sleepy during the day. Unfortunate really.

Despite everything, today, or rather yesterday, was a good day. I am thankful for pumpkin pie with *real* whip cream, hiking, a brother and his sister OR a sister and her brother with red hair who rock my life, opposites, speaking about nothing, music, turkey and more pumpkin pie, with ice cream the second time around.

I changed my template (again!!) to a classic blogger layout because I wanted to have the option for people to comment and I had spent way more than enough time trying to make the comments option work on the other one. This one's not too bad. It still has most of the same feel I wanted to achieve.

Thank you for your love.

thanksgiving of life

I just need to get this out.

I sat by his bed and held his hand as he gripped me tight. I looked at him lying there, breathing with help, eyes closed, and wondered what he could be thinking. The sun shone through the window and blinded me and brought tears to my eyes. A few fell and I looked quickly away from the rest of my family standing in the room with me, various things rolling through my mind. All of a sudden I heard a sound and turning around saw my grandma entering the room. She put a finger to her lips. I offered her my chair, but she wanted me to keep holding his hand, so she sat on the edge of the chair beside me, just looking at him. A few minutes later she reached over and squeezed his knee. His eyes fluttered open and the smile that spilt his face was one of pure joy, and something else...love. In that moment I was hit by so many emotions I was completely overcome. I just hope that one day someone, whoever they may be will look at me with that same look on their face, full of joy and love, no matter the situation. Then I had to leave, I felt like I couldn't breathe 'cause the tears were choking me up and the lump in my throat was so large I felt slightly dizzy from lack of oxygen. I walked slowly down the hall, and around the corner to where the rest of my family was sitting, immediate and extended. A while later I went back to the room again, to sit with him again. I sit here and type this and tears silently roll down my face as I listen to some worship music. I know the clock is ticking, it isn't long now, unless there's a miracle coming around, because that's what it would take. Only God knows exactly how long it will be. The last thing I did was squeeze his hand and whisper in his ear, "see you later Granddad." I know that I will see him later, whether it be on this earth or in heaven. Oh, and what was he thinking about? My aunt asked him when I had left the room for the first time and he answered with one word: "heaven".

Life needs to be embraced. Tell them you love them, whoever in your life it may be.
It's ironic that this is all happening around thanksgiving, the time when we specifically think about how blessed we are. Sometimes it's difficult to think about how blessed you are when battling pain and anguish. I can't count all the blessings my Heavenly Father has poured upon me, and that's the way God intended for it to be. Too numerous to count, but worthy of thanksgiving to Him.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

(I wish you were here, to be my shoulder to lean on, but I know it's impossible.)

...but God's love is everywhere. Yes.

there's a storm inside of life.